Your Name In Lights... Or Maybe Just On Bricks, chapter 6
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"Dude. We can't just leave Oakland, you know," I said as we sat at a table in a local diner. We were trying to figure out what to do with our current...lostness.
There was the idea that we leave. And I mean not just leave Oakland- leave California. I couldn't do that. I had a decent job, I'd mad some good friends, and I wasn't the only one. But then Darien said we should just leave Oakland. Of course, that solved none of everyone's problems with the first idea. Darien was like that though; you had to tell him something 15 times before he started to think about considering that you're actually speaking to him.
"I don't get it. You knew all about this. Why'd you date him?" Darien just had to push the subject. Frankly, I was open to answering instead of staying as quiet as I had been all night long.
"Gee, I don't know, Darien. Maybe I cared about him... you know? Caring? You've heard of it right?"
"I care about a lot of things, but still you-"
"Guys! Just stop, ok!" Jen said, and it pretty much summed up everyone's feelings about our bickering.
"Sorry, Jen- everyone. And not just about me and Darien. I mean, I'm sorry for dragging you all down. I really didn't mean for this to happen and it was the last thing I wanted; honest," I spoke even though my throat was clenched like when you have to throw up. And I didn't even have to throw up.
My 'speech' was received with various 'it's ok' and things of that sort. It should've meant a lot to me, but it really didn't, because it solved absolutely nothing.
"Look, Darien's right," Katelyn said. "If we stay in Oakland, we can kiss our music career goodbye. We have to a least start off somewhere else. I mean, it's gonna suck to leave everything and everyone, but we made a choice to come here and leave everything once. This is our life now."
She was right. We were all friends in Illinois all through high school and as soon as we graduated, we had decided to pursue our band, considering Illinois didn't give us much play. So, besides college, we all moved to Oakland, California, against many of families' best wishes. But really, we couldn't give it up now. I never intended to give up college. I mean, I stuck out four years of the math team just so it'd look good on my applications. And then to graduate and move away? It would've sucked, had it not been for another dream. And, if I gave that up, living would officially become shit. No, this was the way. He was right.
You could tell I wasn't the only one thinking this. If you were to look at our booth, you would see all of us with furrowed brows deep in thought. And not only that, but the same exact thought. Yes, you just knew; it was decided.
"It's the only way, guys," I finally said. Everyone nodded their head and that was that. We were leaving.
***
It's completely insane how you can pretend to be something around someone else, yet totally real with them. In fact, it's kind of schizophrenic. But you could lay down with that one person, and just beam even if the world is splitting in two inside your intestines.
I could lie on down with my head on his chest just breathing. Just looking at the stars, sometimes not even knowing where I was at. I may not even know my name, shoe size, or where I was at, but it was ok with me; I didn't mind. Not even once.
That's how I was with Billie Joe.
With him, that one last night.
There was the idea that we leave. And I mean not just leave Oakland- leave California. I couldn't do that. I had a decent job, I'd mad some good friends, and I wasn't the only one. But then Darien said we should just leave Oakland. Of course, that solved none of everyone's problems with the first idea. Darien was like that though; you had to tell him something 15 times before he started to think about considering that you're actually speaking to him.
"I don't get it. You knew all about this. Why'd you date him?" Darien just had to push the subject. Frankly, I was open to answering instead of staying as quiet as I had been all night long.
"Gee, I don't know, Darien. Maybe I cared about him... you know? Caring? You've heard of it right?"
"I care about a lot of things, but still you-"
"Guys! Just stop, ok!" Jen said, and it pretty much summed up everyone's feelings about our bickering.
"Sorry, Jen- everyone. And not just about me and Darien. I mean, I'm sorry for dragging you all down. I really didn't mean for this to happen and it was the last thing I wanted; honest," I spoke even though my throat was clenched like when you have to throw up. And I didn't even have to throw up.
My 'speech' was received with various 'it's ok' and things of that sort. It should've meant a lot to me, but it really didn't, because it solved absolutely nothing.
"Look, Darien's right," Katelyn said. "If we stay in Oakland, we can kiss our music career goodbye. We have to a least start off somewhere else. I mean, it's gonna suck to leave everything and everyone, but we made a choice to come here and leave everything once. This is our life now."
She was right. We were all friends in Illinois all through high school and as soon as we graduated, we had decided to pursue our band, considering Illinois didn't give us much play. So, besides college, we all moved to Oakland, California, against many of families' best wishes. But really, we couldn't give it up now. I never intended to give up college. I mean, I stuck out four years of the math team just so it'd look good on my applications. And then to graduate and move away? It would've sucked, had it not been for another dream. And, if I gave that up, living would officially become shit. No, this was the way. He was right.
You could tell I wasn't the only one thinking this. If you were to look at our booth, you would see all of us with furrowed brows deep in thought. And not only that, but the same exact thought. Yes, you just knew; it was decided.
"It's the only way, guys," I finally said. Everyone nodded their head and that was that. We were leaving.
***
It's completely insane how you can pretend to be something around someone else, yet totally real with them. In fact, it's kind of schizophrenic. But you could lay down with that one person, and just beam even if the world is splitting in two inside your intestines.
I could lie on down with my head on his chest just breathing. Just looking at the stars, sometimes not even knowing where I was at. I may not even know my name, shoe size, or where I was at, but it was ok with me; I didn't mind. Not even once.
That's how I was with Billie Joe.
With him, that one last night.
