You're My Angel, chapter 10
"Go ahead..." Adriana shouted. "Nothing you say could possibly make me feel worse than you already have."
"I wasn't trying to end your misery by giving Billie that letter... I was trying to end mine," he smirked. "I was hoping that he wouldn't feel the same way and that you would be miserable... That way you would come to me for comfort and I could get what I wanted," he paused. "But it didn't turn out that way... I wanted to fucking choke him when we were eating breakfast Saturday morning."
"You know..." she sighed. "It's really sad when one of your best friends... Someone you have come to love and trust with your life... It's sad when they turn out to be your worst enemy," she said wiping away her tears.
He didn't have a reply... He just got out of the car and walked towards her apartment.
"Jealous son-of-a-bitch," she mumbled to herself.
--
"Oh my god..." Billie said when he saw the mascara running down Adriana's cheeks. "What the hell happened to you?"
"Tré," she managed to say, but couldn't manage any other words through her sobs.
"What did he do?" he asked anxiously. "Tell me, baby..."
"I can't... I feel sick," she said as she went in the bedroom and lay down on the bed.
He followed her into the other room and sat down beside her to try to comfort her. They didn't say anything to each other... He didn't want to make her feel any worse than she did already. She finally fell asleep after awhile of being there and he let her sleep so she didn't have to think about whatever was bothering her.
When she woke up a couple of hours later, Billie was still awake at her side. She hoped it had all been a dream, but her pillow was stained with tears and mascara.
"Hey," Billie said when he realized that she was awake. "Do you feel any better?"
"I decided that we need to talk about some things..." she said after a few minutes. "But then some other shit happened after that which made me realize that we have bigger problems on our hands than I thought."
"Just tell me and whatever is wrong... We'll make it right," he said desperate to know what the hell was going on.
"Okay," she sighed. "Tré is a back-stabbing asshole... And I don't think I can forgive him this time."
"What did he do?" he asked impatiently.
"He is jealous of our relationship and always has been..." she paused. "He basically told me that he wanted you to find out about how I felt and then not feel the same way about me... Just so he could be the one I came to for comfort," she said before taking a deep breath. "He wanted to be the one to catch me when you made me fall... But his plan didn't work out and now he's pissed off."
"Bastard," he said as he got up and walked towards the door.
She grabbed his shirt and pulled him back towards her. She didn't want him to do anything right now that he would regret later. They both had a six year friendship with Tré and enough painful shit had been said for one day.
"Last time, I forgave him for betraying me because he promised that he was only trying to help me..." she said as she rubbed her eyes. "But now that I find out that he had bad intentions behind it... I just want to fucking kill him."
"He said that I didn't know how you really were and I still don't now..." she continued. "I don't know what he meant by it."
"Fuck that... He doesn't know the half of it," he said angrily. "If anyone knows me, it's you because you're the one that I have told everything to."
"I've seen him really upset and pissed off before, but..." she sighed. "I've never seen him so mad at me... And I didn't even do anything."
"So tell me what happened..." Billie said as they sat down on the couch. "What brought all of this on?"
"That's the other thing that I wanted to talk to you about..." she sighed. "Let's go get some food or something."
They were quiet on the way to the restaurant... Billie focused on the road and Adriana stared aimlessly out the car window. She didn't know what she was going to say when they got there, but they definitely needed to talk about the awkwardness that was growing between them and threatening their relationship.
--
"So what's the matter?" Billie asked as the waitress walked off. "What made Tré flip out like he did?"
"We went to my mom's house for a little while because I wanted to talk to her about some stuff..." she paused. "I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention... I guess he was listening to our conversation."
"What were you talking to her about?" he asked impatiently.
"I feel like a complete idiot..." she said not telling him about her and her mother's conversation yet. "It is all really apparent to me now and I can't believe I didn't realize it before... Then again, I didn't notice it with you either."
"Every time something would happen between us to make you further from me he would tell me that everything would work out how it was supposed to and stuff..." she started to say as she fiddled with her straw. "I'm assuming that he was hoping that I would forget about you and date him or whatever."
"I told him so many things that I never would have if I would have known his true motives..." she rolled her eyes. "And I let him kiss me..."
"Wait, what?" he interrupted after that last statement.
"Yeah... It was the morning after you told us you were going to ask Adrienne to marry you, I think..." she said before looking up to see his reaction.
"Oh," he said sounding completely unenthused.
"Oh my god," she said out of nowhere. "I just realized something."
"What?" he asked abruptly seeming to be concerned with the conversation again.
"That's really why he gave you the letter," she said. "He was mad because I told him I didn't feel anything when we kissed... He was trying to punish me and that's exactly why he did it."
"Okay... Back to the other thing you were talking about," he said trying to get her to focus on their previous conversation. "What is all that about?"
"I... I don't know," she sighed. "I've never wanted anything as much as I have wanted you..." she stopped talking when the waitress came back to take their orders.
She was glad that they were interrupted because she had no idea what to say next. She certainly didn't want to do anything to jeopardize their relationship that already seemed to be having trouble.
"It killed me when you would put your arms around me, or hug and kiss me..." she paused. "I hated that you were so close to me, but I could never make you mine."
"Well I'm sorry, but you can't blame me for that... I was just trying to keep from screwing everything up," he says apologetically.
"It's okay," she said. "I was doing the exact same thing... But it just seems like you're pushing me away from you."
She gets a little worried when he doesn't say anything, but she continues.
"You say that this relationship is what you wanted, but now that you have it..." she paused to think how to say what she meant. "You kinda act like it's not really what you want after all."
"I think you might have changed your mind sometime during the seven years that you liked me," she said. "And that you are only with me because I still want us to be together... And that the last nine years of my life are essentially wasted if you don't stay with me. Is that right?"
"Well..." he started. "Not really... I just... I don't know how to say it... Or even how to start to."
"Well try," she said tensely. "I don't want to feel like this anymore, Billie."
"I don't want to hurt you in any way," he said uneasily. "And I... I've been attempting to push you away because I was... Hoping that you would change your mind," he finally told her.
"I know that sounds bad," he said quickly before trying to explain what he meant by that. "I don't really want to be with you... Not because I don't love you or whatever, but because eventually we won't be together anymore."
"Why not?" she asked fighting off the urge to cry.
"Because nobody stays together these days," he said truthfully. "I don't know anyone that is married that actually gets along anymore."
"So just because no one else can stand their significant other... That means that you're not even going to give us a chance?" she asked desolately.
"If we don't work out, then you're gone from my life forever..." he admitted. "But if we are just friends, then you'll always be here with me. I'd rather you be here and suffer because you're not mine... That sounds a hell of a lot better than being miserable because you're not here and you're not mine."
She felt like the only thing that she ever wanted was slipping through her fingers and there was absolutely nothing that she could do to stop it from happening. She couldn't believe that after all this time and suffering that he wanted to just stay friends.
"Well... I certainly didn't expect this, especially not from you..." she said coldly. "You say that you don't want to hurt me? Well, newsflash... That's exactly what you're doing and things won't be the same as they were if we go back to being friends."
"Well... I don't have all day to sit here and talk about this," she said hastily. "What's it gonna be?"
"I wasn't trying to end your misery by giving Billie that letter... I was trying to end mine," he smirked. "I was hoping that he wouldn't feel the same way and that you would be miserable... That way you would come to me for comfort and I could get what I wanted," he paused. "But it didn't turn out that way... I wanted to fucking choke him when we were eating breakfast Saturday morning."
"You know..." she sighed. "It's really sad when one of your best friends... Someone you have come to love and trust with your life... It's sad when they turn out to be your worst enemy," she said wiping away her tears.
He didn't have a reply... He just got out of the car and walked towards her apartment.
"Jealous son-of-a-bitch," she mumbled to herself.
--
"Oh my god..." Billie said when he saw the mascara running down Adriana's cheeks. "What the hell happened to you?"
"Tré," she managed to say, but couldn't manage any other words through her sobs.
"What did he do?" he asked anxiously. "Tell me, baby..."
"I can't... I feel sick," she said as she went in the bedroom and lay down on the bed.
He followed her into the other room and sat down beside her to try to comfort her. They didn't say anything to each other... He didn't want to make her feel any worse than she did already. She finally fell asleep after awhile of being there and he let her sleep so she didn't have to think about whatever was bothering her.
When she woke up a couple of hours later, Billie was still awake at her side. She hoped it had all been a dream, but her pillow was stained with tears and mascara.
"Hey," Billie said when he realized that she was awake. "Do you feel any better?"
"I decided that we need to talk about some things..." she said after a few minutes. "But then some other shit happened after that which made me realize that we have bigger problems on our hands than I thought."
"Just tell me and whatever is wrong... We'll make it right," he said desperate to know what the hell was going on.
"Okay," she sighed. "Tré is a back-stabbing asshole... And I don't think I can forgive him this time."
"What did he do?" he asked impatiently.
"He is jealous of our relationship and always has been..." she paused. "He basically told me that he wanted you to find out about how I felt and then not feel the same way about me... Just so he could be the one I came to for comfort," she said before taking a deep breath. "He wanted to be the one to catch me when you made me fall... But his plan didn't work out and now he's pissed off."
"Bastard," he said as he got up and walked towards the door.
She grabbed his shirt and pulled him back towards her. She didn't want him to do anything right now that he would regret later. They both had a six year friendship with Tré and enough painful shit had been said for one day.
"Last time, I forgave him for betraying me because he promised that he was only trying to help me..." she said as she rubbed her eyes. "But now that I find out that he had bad intentions behind it... I just want to fucking kill him."
"He said that I didn't know how you really were and I still don't now..." she continued. "I don't know what he meant by it."
"Fuck that... He doesn't know the half of it," he said angrily. "If anyone knows me, it's you because you're the one that I have told everything to."
"I've seen him really upset and pissed off before, but..." she sighed. "I've never seen him so mad at me... And I didn't even do anything."
"So tell me what happened..." Billie said as they sat down on the couch. "What brought all of this on?"
"That's the other thing that I wanted to talk to you about..." she sighed. "Let's go get some food or something."
They were quiet on the way to the restaurant... Billie focused on the road and Adriana stared aimlessly out the car window. She didn't know what she was going to say when they got there, but they definitely needed to talk about the awkwardness that was growing between them and threatening their relationship.
--
"So what's the matter?" Billie asked as the waitress walked off. "What made Tré flip out like he did?"
"We went to my mom's house for a little while because I wanted to talk to her about some stuff..." she paused. "I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention... I guess he was listening to our conversation."
"What were you talking to her about?" he asked impatiently.
"I feel like a complete idiot..." she said not telling him about her and her mother's conversation yet. "It is all really apparent to me now and I can't believe I didn't realize it before... Then again, I didn't notice it with you either."
"Every time something would happen between us to make you further from me he would tell me that everything would work out how it was supposed to and stuff..." she started to say as she fiddled with her straw. "I'm assuming that he was hoping that I would forget about you and date him or whatever."
"I told him so many things that I never would have if I would have known his true motives..." she rolled her eyes. "And I let him kiss me..."
"Wait, what?" he interrupted after that last statement.
"Yeah... It was the morning after you told us you were going to ask Adrienne to marry you, I think..." she said before looking up to see his reaction.
"Oh," he said sounding completely unenthused.
"Oh my god," she said out of nowhere. "I just realized something."
"What?" he asked abruptly seeming to be concerned with the conversation again.
"That's really why he gave you the letter," she said. "He was mad because I told him I didn't feel anything when we kissed... He was trying to punish me and that's exactly why he did it."
"Okay... Back to the other thing you were talking about," he said trying to get her to focus on their previous conversation. "What is all that about?"
"I... I don't know," she sighed. "I've never wanted anything as much as I have wanted you..." she stopped talking when the waitress came back to take their orders.
She was glad that they were interrupted because she had no idea what to say next. She certainly didn't want to do anything to jeopardize their relationship that already seemed to be having trouble.
"It killed me when you would put your arms around me, or hug and kiss me..." she paused. "I hated that you were so close to me, but I could never make you mine."
"Well I'm sorry, but you can't blame me for that... I was just trying to keep from screwing everything up," he says apologetically.
"It's okay," she said. "I was doing the exact same thing... But it just seems like you're pushing me away from you."
She gets a little worried when he doesn't say anything, but she continues.
"You say that this relationship is what you wanted, but now that you have it..." she paused to think how to say what she meant. "You kinda act like it's not really what you want after all."
"I think you might have changed your mind sometime during the seven years that you liked me," she said. "And that you are only with me because I still want us to be together... And that the last nine years of my life are essentially wasted if you don't stay with me. Is that right?"
"Well..." he started. "Not really... I just... I don't know how to say it... Or even how to start to."
"Well try," she said tensely. "I don't want to feel like this anymore, Billie."
"I don't want to hurt you in any way," he said uneasily. "And I... I've been attempting to push you away because I was... Hoping that you would change your mind," he finally told her.
"I know that sounds bad," he said quickly before trying to explain what he meant by that. "I don't really want to be with you... Not because I don't love you or whatever, but because eventually we won't be together anymore."
"Why not?" she asked fighting off the urge to cry.
"Because nobody stays together these days," he said truthfully. "I don't know anyone that is married that actually gets along anymore."
"So just because no one else can stand their significant other... That means that you're not even going to give us a chance?" she asked desolately.
"If we don't work out, then you're gone from my life forever..." he admitted. "But if we are just friends, then you'll always be here with me. I'd rather you be here and suffer because you're not mine... That sounds a hell of a lot better than being miserable because you're not here and you're not mine."
She felt like the only thing that she ever wanted was slipping through her fingers and there was absolutely nothing that she could do to stop it from happening. She couldn't believe that after all this time and suffering that he wanted to just stay friends.
"Well... I certainly didn't expect this, especially not from you..." she said coldly. "You say that you don't want to hurt me? Well, newsflash... That's exactly what you're doing and things won't be the same as they were if we go back to being friends."
"Well... I don't have all day to sit here and talk about this," she said hastily. "What's it gonna be?"
