You're My Angel, chapter 11
"I don't know..." Billie sighed from across the table. "I can't...please don't force me to make a decision like that."
"Well, Billie..." Adriana started. "I'm sick and tired of waiting around for you to decide what the hell you want...I've done it for the last nine years and I honestly don't know how much longer I can give you to make up your fucking mind."
"I just don't want to hurt you and I know I'm going to because that's what guys do," he said regretfully. "I'm just gonna end up fucking things up and losing you."
"Well I guess I've got what I came for then," she said harshly.
"Wait...Adriana please don't do this," he said as she walked toward the door. "This doesn't change how I feel about you...I still love you."
"Well it sure as hell changes the way I feel about you," she said as tears welled up in her eyes. "I think you're a fucking self-centered coward and I'm not gonna wait around and watch you make the biggest fucking mistake of your entire life just because you think that something might happen between us to end our relationship."
"I didn't say that I wanted to end things between and go back to the way we were before..." he said following closely behind her down the sidewalk. "I just think it would be easier that way."
"Well you go right ahead and take the easy way out of things then," she said as she continued to walk a few steps in front of him. "I'm glad that you got everything out on the table because it's making me realize that if we actually did stay together, you're just gonna freak out and wreck everything every time something happens that scares you a little."
"Billie, you need to grow up and live for right now because there might not be a tomorrow," she said not caring who was listening to their argument. "And even if there is...how can you stand there saying that and be okay knowing that you're giving up on us before we even get off the ground with this?"
"Just some advice...stop pushing people away from you and don't build your walls so high because eventually you're gonna look around and find absolutely nothing," she said insensitively. "We had everything right there in front of us and you wrecked it because you can't set your insecurities aside...you should really consider growing a fucking backbone, Billie."
"Where are you going?" he suddenly asked. "The car is over there."
"Are you even listening to what I'm saying? You're worried about where the fucking car is? I'm not leaving with you, Billie...I'm walking home because I can't even stand to look at your pathetic ass right now," she said before she stopped and faced him. "I know your mother didn't teach you to run away from your problems... and it's a good thing to because you would have gone nowhere with your life."
"Do you know what you're giving up? Do you know how long I have waited to be with you? Do you know that I would walk to the ends of the earth and back for you?" She said before he tried to interrupt her. "No...just shut up, I'm talking right now. I've wasted so much time on you and if would have known this is what was going to happen after all my effort, I wouldn't have bothered. I would have found somebody who was actually worth my time."
"Adriana, I don't know what to do...I've watched everybody's relationships falling apart in front of them, myself included," he said desperately. "I'd die if you weren't here with me and I'm just so confused."
She didn't say anything else...she didn't have the strength to say anything else. Instead she turned around and walked in the direction of her apartment building which was conveniently twenty minutes away...well it would be if she was driving.
She loved the rain, but today she cursed the cold raindrops falling from the sky and soaking her clothes. She had passed two phone booths before reluctantly giving into her urge to get someone to pick her up. She stepped inside and picked up the phone before dialing the familiar number that she had dialed so many times before...mostly in the middle of the night, though.
"Is Mike there?" she asked grudgingly when Tré answered the phone.
"No," he said plainly. "Can I have him call you when he gets back from the store? He should be back any minute..."
"Never mind," she said hastily. "Can you come pick me up?"
"Sure, where are you at?" he asked.
After getting off the phone with Tré, she sat down on the nearest bench and watched the cars roll by as she dreaded the twenty minute car ride she was about to endure with him.
They hadn't talked much since the incident where he started being a total jackass for no good reason...hell, they hadn't said more than two words to each other. She had felt hesitant when she asked him to come get her because he was the last person...well, second to last person...she wanted to see or talk to right now.
After a few minutes, Tré's car pulled up and stopped next to the curb she was sitting in front of. Luckily, Mike lived a little closer than the three of them did so she didn't have to sit in the rain for very long, although she would've liked to float away with the water rushing down the street.
"What happened?" he said as she opened the door and got in. "And who left you out in the rain like a drowned rat?"
"It doesn't matter...I don't want to talk about it...I don't want to talk about it with you or anyone else...I just want to go home so I can sleep and pretend like today never happened...I'd like to go to sleep and pretend like my life never happened..." she sighed as she mindlessly stared at the passing shops.
"You can talk to me, you know..." he said half-heartedly.
"Oh really now?" she said sarcastically. "Last time I talked to you...you made me feel about this big," she said holding her hand up dramatically. "The last time I checked...best friends didn't do that. But what the hell do I know? Last time I checked boyfriends that love you aren't supposed to do what Billie just did either...fucking moron."
The drive to her house seemed to drag on forever, but eventually Tré's car stopped in the parking lot and she thanked him before walking to her door. She knew Billie hadn't made it back home yet because his car wasn't in the driveway. She didn't care where he had gone though and right then she was glad he wasn't there or she might go over and strangle him.
She thought she might need a psychiatric evaluation, or maybe swear off human contact for the rest of her life...or maybe just the male species. Her head hurt and she just wanted to fall asleep, but she could only lay there staring at the ceiling which wasn't offering in solace.
***
Adriana woke up to the sun rays shining through her blinds that she carelessly left open because it had been dreary and raining when she had fallen asleep. She wondered what time it was...it couldn't have been that long since it was still daylight outside.
She eventually got up and showered before going in the living room only to discover that she had slept for almost twenty-four hours and that she would have to go to work in less than two hours.
She figured that was probably for the best so she could keep her mind off of things that were happened...or not happening in her life. She knew that Haley would offer a shoulder to cry on and try to console her, but she would just shrug it off for now because she wasn't ready to talk about it.
She was slowly falling apart as the night wore on and she tried to remember something that she had been through that had made her feel this bad. She needed to know that she would be able to make it through this and get on with her life, but she could find nothing that compared to the aching in her heart and the wave of nausea overtaking her stomach.
When her dad died, she was in complete shock and she had felt like she wouldn't be able to make it to the next day. Nothing had been left unsaid between the two of them, though, and she watched her dad live happily even with the financial struggles he was faced with.
He'd always told her to live her life the way she wanted to and not to live for anyone else. It was a lot easier to watch the machines that were keeping him alive slowly cease to nothing knowing that he had lived a happy life and things had turned out the way he wanted...not so much the early death, but the wonderful memories he had made while he had alive.
It was also easier for her to cope because she knew where he was...he wasn't out wandering the planet somewhere after abandoning his wife and kids. He was gone for good and she knew that. The thing with Billie was that he was always going to be right there...right there in front of her face reminding her of what was so close, but yet so far away.
She found it odd and not at all amusing how life always kicks you when you're down. Everything that had happened with Tré was only followed by everything that was happening with Billie. She couldn't seem to balance things out...if something was going good, then the rest of problems were dragging her straight to hell.
She figured she couldn't blame Billie, though...he had just gone through a divorce from someone he was almost certain was 'the one'. But that was no excuse and he knew that Jamie wasn't 'the one' for him because he had loved Adriana for so long, but never had the guts to do what was necessary.
She also couldn't say anything about him not having the guts to do what was necessary because it was clear that she didn't do anything about it either. Maybe if she would have just given him the letter before his wedding, things would be different than they were now.
Billie wouldn't have married Jamie and they'd have been together...it didn't really matter though because regretting what had already been done wasn't going to turn back the time so she could make things right. It's hard to stop thinking about it though because it would just be so easy to do if she could just have the chance to go back.
She wanted to so bad, but this would be the price she would pay for not speaking up when she needed to. People always told her 'everything happens for a reason' and she would ignore the annoying cliché, but right then she hoped that it was true...that she would feel some validation in the future that made her feel like this was how it was supposed to be in the end.
"Oh my god," Haley gasped bringing Adriana out of another blank stare.
She hadn't realized that she was standing at the nurse's station doing absolutely nothing for more than twenty minutes. Feeling rather confused, she looked around and her gaze stopped on the patient being rolled in from the ambulance sitting outside the double glass doors.
She would normally rush right over and begin doing what she was supposed to, but she couldn't move an inch. She was absolutely sickened by the bruised and blood-spattered body clinging to dear life in front of her.
"Well, Billie..." Adriana started. "I'm sick and tired of waiting around for you to decide what the hell you want...I've done it for the last nine years and I honestly don't know how much longer I can give you to make up your fucking mind."
"I just don't want to hurt you and I know I'm going to because that's what guys do," he said regretfully. "I'm just gonna end up fucking things up and losing you."
"Well I guess I've got what I came for then," she said harshly.
"Wait...Adriana please don't do this," he said as she walked toward the door. "This doesn't change how I feel about you...I still love you."
"Well it sure as hell changes the way I feel about you," she said as tears welled up in her eyes. "I think you're a fucking self-centered coward and I'm not gonna wait around and watch you make the biggest fucking mistake of your entire life just because you think that something might happen between us to end our relationship."
"I didn't say that I wanted to end things between and go back to the way we were before..." he said following closely behind her down the sidewalk. "I just think it would be easier that way."
"Well you go right ahead and take the easy way out of things then," she said as she continued to walk a few steps in front of him. "I'm glad that you got everything out on the table because it's making me realize that if we actually did stay together, you're just gonna freak out and wreck everything every time something happens that scares you a little."
"Billie, you need to grow up and live for right now because there might not be a tomorrow," she said not caring who was listening to their argument. "And even if there is...how can you stand there saying that and be okay knowing that you're giving up on us before we even get off the ground with this?"
"Just some advice...stop pushing people away from you and don't build your walls so high because eventually you're gonna look around and find absolutely nothing," she said insensitively. "We had everything right there in front of us and you wrecked it because you can't set your insecurities aside...you should really consider growing a fucking backbone, Billie."
"Where are you going?" he suddenly asked. "The car is over there."
"Are you even listening to what I'm saying? You're worried about where the fucking car is? I'm not leaving with you, Billie...I'm walking home because I can't even stand to look at your pathetic ass right now," she said before she stopped and faced him. "I know your mother didn't teach you to run away from your problems... and it's a good thing to because you would have gone nowhere with your life."
"Do you know what you're giving up? Do you know how long I have waited to be with you? Do you know that I would walk to the ends of the earth and back for you?" She said before he tried to interrupt her. "No...just shut up, I'm talking right now. I've wasted so much time on you and if would have known this is what was going to happen after all my effort, I wouldn't have bothered. I would have found somebody who was actually worth my time."
"Adriana, I don't know what to do...I've watched everybody's relationships falling apart in front of them, myself included," he said desperately. "I'd die if you weren't here with me and I'm just so confused."
She didn't say anything else...she didn't have the strength to say anything else. Instead she turned around and walked in the direction of her apartment building which was conveniently twenty minutes away...well it would be if she was driving.
She loved the rain, but today she cursed the cold raindrops falling from the sky and soaking her clothes. She had passed two phone booths before reluctantly giving into her urge to get someone to pick her up. She stepped inside and picked up the phone before dialing the familiar number that she had dialed so many times before...mostly in the middle of the night, though.
"Is Mike there?" she asked grudgingly when Tré answered the phone.
"No," he said plainly. "Can I have him call you when he gets back from the store? He should be back any minute..."
"Never mind," she said hastily. "Can you come pick me up?"
"Sure, where are you at?" he asked.
After getting off the phone with Tré, she sat down on the nearest bench and watched the cars roll by as she dreaded the twenty minute car ride she was about to endure with him.
They hadn't talked much since the incident where he started being a total jackass for no good reason...hell, they hadn't said more than two words to each other. She had felt hesitant when she asked him to come get her because he was the last person...well, second to last person...she wanted to see or talk to right now.
After a few minutes, Tré's car pulled up and stopped next to the curb she was sitting in front of. Luckily, Mike lived a little closer than the three of them did so she didn't have to sit in the rain for very long, although she would've liked to float away with the water rushing down the street.
"What happened?" he said as she opened the door and got in. "And who left you out in the rain like a drowned rat?"
"It doesn't matter...I don't want to talk about it...I don't want to talk about it with you or anyone else...I just want to go home so I can sleep and pretend like today never happened...I'd like to go to sleep and pretend like my life never happened..." she sighed as she mindlessly stared at the passing shops.
"You can talk to me, you know..." he said half-heartedly.
"Oh really now?" she said sarcastically. "Last time I talked to you...you made me feel about this big," she said holding her hand up dramatically. "The last time I checked...best friends didn't do that. But what the hell do I know? Last time I checked boyfriends that love you aren't supposed to do what Billie just did either...fucking moron."
The drive to her house seemed to drag on forever, but eventually Tré's car stopped in the parking lot and she thanked him before walking to her door. She knew Billie hadn't made it back home yet because his car wasn't in the driveway. She didn't care where he had gone though and right then she was glad he wasn't there or she might go over and strangle him.
She thought she might need a psychiatric evaluation, or maybe swear off human contact for the rest of her life...or maybe just the male species. Her head hurt and she just wanted to fall asleep, but she could only lay there staring at the ceiling which wasn't offering in solace.
***
Adriana woke up to the sun rays shining through her blinds that she carelessly left open because it had been dreary and raining when she had fallen asleep. She wondered what time it was...it couldn't have been that long since it was still daylight outside.
She eventually got up and showered before going in the living room only to discover that she had slept for almost twenty-four hours and that she would have to go to work in less than two hours.
She figured that was probably for the best so she could keep her mind off of things that were happened...or not happening in her life. She knew that Haley would offer a shoulder to cry on and try to console her, but she would just shrug it off for now because she wasn't ready to talk about it.
She was slowly falling apart as the night wore on and she tried to remember something that she had been through that had made her feel this bad. She needed to know that she would be able to make it through this and get on with her life, but she could find nothing that compared to the aching in her heart and the wave of nausea overtaking her stomach.
When her dad died, she was in complete shock and she had felt like she wouldn't be able to make it to the next day. Nothing had been left unsaid between the two of them, though, and she watched her dad live happily even with the financial struggles he was faced with.
He'd always told her to live her life the way she wanted to and not to live for anyone else. It was a lot easier to watch the machines that were keeping him alive slowly cease to nothing knowing that he had lived a happy life and things had turned out the way he wanted...not so much the early death, but the wonderful memories he had made while he had alive.
It was also easier for her to cope because she knew where he was...he wasn't out wandering the planet somewhere after abandoning his wife and kids. He was gone for good and she knew that. The thing with Billie was that he was always going to be right there...right there in front of her face reminding her of what was so close, but yet so far away.
She found it odd and not at all amusing how life always kicks you when you're down. Everything that had happened with Tré was only followed by everything that was happening with Billie. She couldn't seem to balance things out...if something was going good, then the rest of problems were dragging her straight to hell.
She figured she couldn't blame Billie, though...he had just gone through a divorce from someone he was almost certain was 'the one'. But that was no excuse and he knew that Jamie wasn't 'the one' for him because he had loved Adriana for so long, but never had the guts to do what was necessary.
She also couldn't say anything about him not having the guts to do what was necessary because it was clear that she didn't do anything about it either. Maybe if she would have just given him the letter before his wedding, things would be different than they were now.
Billie wouldn't have married Jamie and they'd have been together...it didn't really matter though because regretting what had already been done wasn't going to turn back the time so she could make things right. It's hard to stop thinking about it though because it would just be so easy to do if she could just have the chance to go back.
She wanted to so bad, but this would be the price she would pay for not speaking up when she needed to. People always told her 'everything happens for a reason' and she would ignore the annoying cliché, but right then she hoped that it was true...that she would feel some validation in the future that made her feel like this was how it was supposed to be in the end.
"Oh my god," Haley gasped bringing Adriana out of another blank stare.
She hadn't realized that she was standing at the nurse's station doing absolutely nothing for more than twenty minutes. Feeling rather confused, she looked around and her gaze stopped on the patient being rolled in from the ambulance sitting outside the double glass doors.
She would normally rush right over and begin doing what she was supposed to, but she couldn't move an inch. She was absolutely sickened by the bruised and blood-spattered body clinging to dear life in front of her.
