Is It Temptation Or Is It Love?, chapter 3
After a particularly good 'I missed you' make out session with Billie, I left him to choose a movie to watch while I went to the kitchen to pop some popcorn. I rummaged through my cupboards, hoping I hadn't run out and after my 'aha' moment, I found it behind a can of tomato soup. Freeing it of it's plastic wrapper, I placed it in the microwave for it's set time and awaited the popping sound which soon came.
A minute of waiting passed and I felt his strong, familiar arms wrap around my waist. The newly pronounce fuzz on his chin brushed against my collarbone almost making me shiver. He must have noticed this because he gave me a light kiss on the nape of my neck.
"Popping popcorn?"
"No, baking an apple pie for New Year's."
"If it's New Year's, where's the fireworks?"
"Forgot to buy them at the store," I replied, awaiting his sarcastic yet inevitable reply.
"Guess we'll have to make some fireworks of our own."
One of the arms that was previously wrapped around my waist now moved behind my neck. Sending shivers coursing through my whole body. How can this man reduce me to mush every time with just one touch? I questioned his strange, yet wonderful seduction skills no longer as he gently pulled me into his perfect face for another kiss.
After our lips parted, leaving me partially disappointed and out of breath. I heard the microwave go off alerting me that the 'apple pie' was done. I wiggled out of his grasp.
"I knew you couldn't resist such a cheesy line."
"What? Me use a cheesy line? Never."
"What about the 'fireworks'?"
"That was not cheesy. That was pure flirt genius."
"Sure, next your going to ask me if I'm a burglar."
"But you did steal my heart, baby. I'm still waiting for the cops to give it back."
I laughed at his joke and hit his arm playfully. He always new how to make me laugh. That's something only a few people can do and Billie tops them all. He walked back into the living room, leaving me to grab the popcorn.
***
After I took my seat on the couch, Billie got up and placed his chosen movie in the DVD player. He walked back with the remote in hand and picked me up to where I was laying on top of him as before. He pressed play and I snuggled my head into his chest as he wrapped the throw blanket around us.
I felt complete, more complete then I ever had before. Like this was the one place in the world I had to be at this moment. I was fully content, Here in my home preparing to watch a movie, eating popcorn and in the arms of the one I love. I felt like nothing and no one could touch me.
I lifted my head up and stared at his eyes. Two perfect green orbs looked back at me. His lips curved into an infectious smile that had me smiling too. I leant into him more and he wrapped one arm around me, letting his other run through my hair.
"What movie did you pick?"
"Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
The bastard. He knows I get so into horror movies. When I get scared I scream so loud it's as if I'm the actress on the screen. I had seen the movie a few times before but each time I always get so wound up in it.
"You're an asshole."
"Aw, is Cali scared."
"You know I get pathetic in horror movies."
"I know. Why do you think I chose it?"
"To watch me turn into a cowering five year old girl."
"Fine. If you get scared, I'll cover your eyes. I don't know why you get scared though. It's only a movie."
"I don't know if you noticed, Billie, but this is based off of a true story."
"Yes, based off of a true story. As in, this isn't a documentary."
"But it's still real..."
"It happened thirty years ago..."
"But..."
"In Texas."
"Okay, so the likelihood of Leather face running through the front door is slim but it still happened."
"I'll make you a deal. If Leather face walks through the front door and threatens to kill you I'll trade my life for yours, huh?"
I just laughed and turned my head towards the television screen. He can be a smart ass sometimes, even if he is right.
Billie's POV
I don't care if Leather face walked in or the fucking reincarnation of Hitler himself. I'd do anything to protect her. I love her so damn much. It's not like that childish, puppy love, the kind that fades in a week or so. It isn't that love of adventure. It's not even that love of sex. The love I feel for Cali, that I feel everyday, is something indescribable. It's the kind of love you need, not just want. The kind that makes you want to punch yourself to know you're still awake. The kind that only the few ever know.
I looked down at her lying on my chest. Her light, brown hair is so soft, I can't help but run my fingers through it. I can feel her sigh. I wonder what she's thinking about? I never know. That's what's so intriguing. When I look at Adie, it's pretty much an open book. I know when she's mad, happy, sad, sick, upset, confused. All pretty simple, but with Cali, she could be thinking about fucking Winnie the Pooh and it not show on her face. Her flawless face I might add.
The main screen of the DVD came up and I pressed play. As the movie went on to more and more violent and scary parts, Cali leaned in deeper and deeper into me. Her soft hands holding tightly to my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her, as if I were an impenetrable shield, that if as long as I held her nothing could happen to her.
I've always been protective over her. Always. She's like a precious jewel or piece of art that needs protecting and I'm the only man for the job. The last thirteen years, life's just been a blur. Something's were great, something's weren't. But if you asked me to change one thing, just one thing, I'd change it in a heartbeat. I should've never picked up that damn phone. I should've never agreed to go with her. I shouldn't have gotten so drunk. I shouldn't be married to her.
FLASHBACK
May 16, 1994
Billie's POV
"Hey, Billie."
"Hey, Cali. I wanted to know if you were doing anything tomorrow."
"I never am. So why do you want to know?"
"I...um, just wanted to know."
"Well, in that case, nothing."
"You...uh...dinner and a movie with me? How's that sound?"
"Really? Billie Joe is going to wine and dine little old me?"
"One, it's not completely impossible for me to treat someone out and two, you're not old, that'd mean I'm old and I'm definitely not old."
"Alright, I'll go. And I really don't have to pay?"
"For the last time, no."
"Okay, just remember I'm leaving my purse at home tomorrow night, Mr. Armstrong. I won't have my money to bail you out."
"Just shut up and say you'll go with me."
"Fine, princess. Tomorrow night, I'm all yours."
"Thank you, Cali."
"Peace out, Bill."
"Ditto."
I placed the phone back on the receiver and did my victory dance. Cali actually agreed to go out with me on an actual date? Not just a friend thing, but an actual date. Tomorrow night can't come soon enough. I finally get it off of my chest.
I peeled myself off of my sofa and walked into my bedroom. How am I going to tell her?
I walked into my bathroom and stared in the mirror. I looked older then I usually look. Stress maybe? What do I have to be stressed about? My band's major record label was released three months ago and is doing great. I moved into a nice sized house. Finally fixed up the old Fairlane. Life's perfect, right?
I looked away from the mirror. Of course it isn't perfect, you idiot. You think you're such a big shot and you can't even tell the woman that you love how you feel about her. Love, a concept I thought I never believed in. Finding myself saying it and directing that feeling I thought I forgot to someone is scaring the shit out of me, in a good way.
I walked back into my bedroom. I started pacing back and forth. How do you tell her? Do you tell her straight up? "Hey Cali, I know that we fucked already and all but I love you?" Damn it, you fucking moron, you can write lyrics to songs about getting stoned but you can't find the words to express how you feel about one chick? "Hey Cali, I love you with every bone in my body and I need you to know that." Too fucking sappy, you pussy. She wants you to have some spine left. "Cali, you complete me?" What are you smoking, Armstrong? Like she'd fall for something as lame as that line. She's smarter then that and you know it. "Cali, I... "
My train of thought was interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing. Is It Cali? Is she calling to cancel? I mean, she just agreed to it and she isn't that bitchy. I jumped up to answer the phone anyway.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Billie Joe."
The voice on the other end was not the one I expected, not in a million years. I thought she hated my guts? She did break up with me almost a year ago. The voice belonged to none other then my ex, Adrienne Nesser.
"Adie?"
"Well, who else would it be?"
"I don't know, just a bit thrown off by you calling me."
"Oh, yeah, sorry I haven't called much. I've been busy."
"Okay, so what do you want?"
"I need a reason to call you?"
"Well, seeing as we haven't talked in months, probably."
"Okay, I guess you're in no mood for small talk so I'll cut to the chase. I'm heading up to the Bay for summertime. I'm in town tonight and I was wondering if you'd maybe want to get a drink? You know, catch up, just friends."
"Um, okay."
"Alright, I'll pick you up in an hour. You still living in that crappy apartment with Mike on Stuart?"
"Yeah, and it's not too crappy."
"Right. Okay, well I'll leave you to get ready. See ya, Billie."
"Yeah, bye Adie."
What the fuck is going on? Why on Earth would Adie want me to get a drink with her? This is just to weird. I got up from my bed and walked back into the shower to take a bath. Within half an hour I was dressed and ready. I sat outside on the balcony of our two bedroom apartment and stared out onto the Oakland night sky. Thoughts of Cali and my date tomorrow night disappeared and were replaced with thoughts of Adie, all of the fun we had when we were together, getting her nickname tattooed on my hipbone on our first date, writing all the songs for her, her dreadlocked hair, her chocolate brown eyes, her smile, the way her shirts always clung to her perfect breasts, the way she always laughed at my cheesy jokes.
I snapped out of my daze when I saw to headlights to a Honda pull up the driveway. A horn blew and I knew it was Adie. I practically ran down the stairs. I realized at that moment how much I missed her, everything about her, just being in her presence.
I made it down the stairs and opened the door, locked it with my key, and walked to the car. Adie got out of the driver's seat and walked over to me. She looked amazing. She had on this white tank and a black skirt that fit her in all the right places, as usual, her dreads were pulled up in a ponytail to keep them out of her face, she pulled me into a warm embrace that I gladly accepted. She pulled away after a moment and looked me up and down, as I did her, and then smiled again.
"It's great to see you again."
"Yeah, you too, Adie."
"So you ready to hit the road?"
"Yeah."
She got into the front seat and I got into the passenger's side. She turned on the radio and Nirvana echoed from the sound system. I looked at her hands as they grasped the steering wheel and to my surprise, her ring finger was not ringless. A small, diamond ring wrapped around her finger and shined in the light of the streetlights we passed.
"What's with the ring?"
"Oh, I'm engaged.'
"Adie, engaged? I never would have guessed. Who's the lucky guy?"
"Billy Bisson, he's front man of this local band back home in Minnesota. He's nice, you'd like him."
I'd like him? I doubt I'd be able to refrain myself from killing him. Lucky son of a bitch is engaged to Adie. Wait, why am I so jealous? I shouldn't care who she's with.
"So, are you dating anyone at the moment?"
"Huh? No, still single."
"Oh."
We fell into a fairly uncomfortable silence. I mean, what else could be said. I decided not to mention Cali because I'd wind up sounding like a dumbass and I didn't want that. I don't even know what we are. Are we dating? Are we just fuck buddies? Are we true loves? I don't fucking know and I think I never will.
Adie finally pulled the car into the parking lot of O'Malley's, this pub a few miles from my house. She killed the engine and we entered the pub, subsequently walking into my worst decision ever, the one thing in my life I'd change, the one drunken fuck that never should have happened.
END OF FLASHBACK
I broke out of my daze and looked down at Cali. She must have fallen asleep a little while ago while I was lost in my thoughts. I watched her sleep for a few minutes. I felt at peace with myself. This is the way I should feel all the time. This could have been mine. I could wake up to this sight everyday if I hadn't been such a fucking idiot. Why do I have to fuck everything up?
I picked her up and held her tightly in my arms and took her into the bedroom. I guess no hanky panky tonight. I laid her gently on the mattress. I pulled off my shirt and jeans and climbed in bed beside her. I pulled her closer to me and wrapped ourselves under the blankets for warmth. I kissed her shoulder softly.
"I love you," I whispered in her ear, "I love you so much Cali. You don't even know."
A minute of waiting passed and I felt his strong, familiar arms wrap around my waist. The newly pronounce fuzz on his chin brushed against my collarbone almost making me shiver. He must have noticed this because he gave me a light kiss on the nape of my neck.
"Popping popcorn?"
"No, baking an apple pie for New Year's."
"If it's New Year's, where's the fireworks?"
"Forgot to buy them at the store," I replied, awaiting his sarcastic yet inevitable reply.
"Guess we'll have to make some fireworks of our own."
One of the arms that was previously wrapped around my waist now moved behind my neck. Sending shivers coursing through my whole body. How can this man reduce me to mush every time with just one touch? I questioned his strange, yet wonderful seduction skills no longer as he gently pulled me into his perfect face for another kiss.
After our lips parted, leaving me partially disappointed and out of breath. I heard the microwave go off alerting me that the 'apple pie' was done. I wiggled out of his grasp.
"I knew you couldn't resist such a cheesy line."
"What? Me use a cheesy line? Never."
"What about the 'fireworks'?"
"That was not cheesy. That was pure flirt genius."
"Sure, next your going to ask me if I'm a burglar."
"But you did steal my heart, baby. I'm still waiting for the cops to give it back."
I laughed at his joke and hit his arm playfully. He always new how to make me laugh. That's something only a few people can do and Billie tops them all. He walked back into the living room, leaving me to grab the popcorn.
***
After I took my seat on the couch, Billie got up and placed his chosen movie in the DVD player. He walked back with the remote in hand and picked me up to where I was laying on top of him as before. He pressed play and I snuggled my head into his chest as he wrapped the throw blanket around us.
I felt complete, more complete then I ever had before. Like this was the one place in the world I had to be at this moment. I was fully content, Here in my home preparing to watch a movie, eating popcorn and in the arms of the one I love. I felt like nothing and no one could touch me.
I lifted my head up and stared at his eyes. Two perfect green orbs looked back at me. His lips curved into an infectious smile that had me smiling too. I leant into him more and he wrapped one arm around me, letting his other run through my hair.
"What movie did you pick?"
"Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
The bastard. He knows I get so into horror movies. When I get scared I scream so loud it's as if I'm the actress on the screen. I had seen the movie a few times before but each time I always get so wound up in it.
"You're an asshole."
"Aw, is Cali scared."
"You know I get pathetic in horror movies."
"I know. Why do you think I chose it?"
"To watch me turn into a cowering five year old girl."
"Fine. If you get scared, I'll cover your eyes. I don't know why you get scared though. It's only a movie."
"I don't know if you noticed, Billie, but this is based off of a true story."
"Yes, based off of a true story. As in, this isn't a documentary."
"But it's still real..."
"It happened thirty years ago..."
"But..."
"In Texas."
"Okay, so the likelihood of Leather face running through the front door is slim but it still happened."
"I'll make you a deal. If Leather face walks through the front door and threatens to kill you I'll trade my life for yours, huh?"
I just laughed and turned my head towards the television screen. He can be a smart ass sometimes, even if he is right.
Billie's POV
I don't care if Leather face walked in or the fucking reincarnation of Hitler himself. I'd do anything to protect her. I love her so damn much. It's not like that childish, puppy love, the kind that fades in a week or so. It isn't that love of adventure. It's not even that love of sex. The love I feel for Cali, that I feel everyday, is something indescribable. It's the kind of love you need, not just want. The kind that makes you want to punch yourself to know you're still awake. The kind that only the few ever know.
I looked down at her lying on my chest. Her light, brown hair is so soft, I can't help but run my fingers through it. I can feel her sigh. I wonder what she's thinking about? I never know. That's what's so intriguing. When I look at Adie, it's pretty much an open book. I know when she's mad, happy, sad, sick, upset, confused. All pretty simple, but with Cali, she could be thinking about fucking Winnie the Pooh and it not show on her face. Her flawless face I might add.
The main screen of the DVD came up and I pressed play. As the movie went on to more and more violent and scary parts, Cali leaned in deeper and deeper into me. Her soft hands holding tightly to my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her, as if I were an impenetrable shield, that if as long as I held her nothing could happen to her.
I've always been protective over her. Always. She's like a precious jewel or piece of art that needs protecting and I'm the only man for the job. The last thirteen years, life's just been a blur. Something's were great, something's weren't. But if you asked me to change one thing, just one thing, I'd change it in a heartbeat. I should've never picked up that damn phone. I should've never agreed to go with her. I shouldn't have gotten so drunk. I shouldn't be married to her.
FLASHBACK
May 16, 1994
Billie's POV
"Hey, Billie."
"Hey, Cali. I wanted to know if you were doing anything tomorrow."
"I never am. So why do you want to know?"
"I...um, just wanted to know."
"Well, in that case, nothing."
"You...uh...dinner and a movie with me? How's that sound?"
"Really? Billie Joe is going to wine and dine little old me?"
"One, it's not completely impossible for me to treat someone out and two, you're not old, that'd mean I'm old and I'm definitely not old."
"Alright, I'll go. And I really don't have to pay?"
"For the last time, no."
"Okay, just remember I'm leaving my purse at home tomorrow night, Mr. Armstrong. I won't have my money to bail you out."
"Just shut up and say you'll go with me."
"Fine, princess. Tomorrow night, I'm all yours."
"Thank you, Cali."
"Peace out, Bill."
"Ditto."
I placed the phone back on the receiver and did my victory dance. Cali actually agreed to go out with me on an actual date? Not just a friend thing, but an actual date. Tomorrow night can't come soon enough. I finally get it off of my chest.
I peeled myself off of my sofa and walked into my bedroom. How am I going to tell her?
I walked into my bathroom and stared in the mirror. I looked older then I usually look. Stress maybe? What do I have to be stressed about? My band's major record label was released three months ago and is doing great. I moved into a nice sized house. Finally fixed up the old Fairlane. Life's perfect, right?
I looked away from the mirror. Of course it isn't perfect, you idiot. You think you're such a big shot and you can't even tell the woman that you love how you feel about her. Love, a concept I thought I never believed in. Finding myself saying it and directing that feeling I thought I forgot to someone is scaring the shit out of me, in a good way.
I walked back into my bedroom. I started pacing back and forth. How do you tell her? Do you tell her straight up? "Hey Cali, I know that we fucked already and all but I love you?" Damn it, you fucking moron, you can write lyrics to songs about getting stoned but you can't find the words to express how you feel about one chick? "Hey Cali, I love you with every bone in my body and I need you to know that." Too fucking sappy, you pussy. She wants you to have some spine left. "Cali, you complete me?" What are you smoking, Armstrong? Like she'd fall for something as lame as that line. She's smarter then that and you know it. "Cali, I... "
My train of thought was interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing. Is It Cali? Is she calling to cancel? I mean, she just agreed to it and she isn't that bitchy. I jumped up to answer the phone anyway.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Billie Joe."
The voice on the other end was not the one I expected, not in a million years. I thought she hated my guts? She did break up with me almost a year ago. The voice belonged to none other then my ex, Adrienne Nesser.
"Adie?"
"Well, who else would it be?"
"I don't know, just a bit thrown off by you calling me."
"Oh, yeah, sorry I haven't called much. I've been busy."
"Okay, so what do you want?"
"I need a reason to call you?"
"Well, seeing as we haven't talked in months, probably."
"Okay, I guess you're in no mood for small talk so I'll cut to the chase. I'm heading up to the Bay for summertime. I'm in town tonight and I was wondering if you'd maybe want to get a drink? You know, catch up, just friends."
"Um, okay."
"Alright, I'll pick you up in an hour. You still living in that crappy apartment with Mike on Stuart?"
"Yeah, and it's not too crappy."
"Right. Okay, well I'll leave you to get ready. See ya, Billie."
"Yeah, bye Adie."
What the fuck is going on? Why on Earth would Adie want me to get a drink with her? This is just to weird. I got up from my bed and walked back into the shower to take a bath. Within half an hour I was dressed and ready. I sat outside on the balcony of our two bedroom apartment and stared out onto the Oakland night sky. Thoughts of Cali and my date tomorrow night disappeared and were replaced with thoughts of Adie, all of the fun we had when we were together, getting her nickname tattooed on my hipbone on our first date, writing all the songs for her, her dreadlocked hair, her chocolate brown eyes, her smile, the way her shirts always clung to her perfect breasts, the way she always laughed at my cheesy jokes.
I snapped out of my daze when I saw to headlights to a Honda pull up the driveway. A horn blew and I knew it was Adie. I practically ran down the stairs. I realized at that moment how much I missed her, everything about her, just being in her presence.
I made it down the stairs and opened the door, locked it with my key, and walked to the car. Adie got out of the driver's seat and walked over to me. She looked amazing. She had on this white tank and a black skirt that fit her in all the right places, as usual, her dreads were pulled up in a ponytail to keep them out of her face, she pulled me into a warm embrace that I gladly accepted. She pulled away after a moment and looked me up and down, as I did her, and then smiled again.
"It's great to see you again."
"Yeah, you too, Adie."
"So you ready to hit the road?"
"Yeah."
She got into the front seat and I got into the passenger's side. She turned on the radio and Nirvana echoed from the sound system. I looked at her hands as they grasped the steering wheel and to my surprise, her ring finger was not ringless. A small, diamond ring wrapped around her finger and shined in the light of the streetlights we passed.
"What's with the ring?"
"Oh, I'm engaged.'
"Adie, engaged? I never would have guessed. Who's the lucky guy?"
"Billy Bisson, he's front man of this local band back home in Minnesota. He's nice, you'd like him."
I'd like him? I doubt I'd be able to refrain myself from killing him. Lucky son of a bitch is engaged to Adie. Wait, why am I so jealous? I shouldn't care who she's with.
"So, are you dating anyone at the moment?"
"Huh? No, still single."
"Oh."
We fell into a fairly uncomfortable silence. I mean, what else could be said. I decided not to mention Cali because I'd wind up sounding like a dumbass and I didn't want that. I don't even know what we are. Are we dating? Are we just fuck buddies? Are we true loves? I don't fucking know and I think I never will.
Adie finally pulled the car into the parking lot of O'Malley's, this pub a few miles from my house. She killed the engine and we entered the pub, subsequently walking into my worst decision ever, the one thing in my life I'd change, the one drunken fuck that never should have happened.
END OF FLASHBACK
I broke out of my daze and looked down at Cali. She must have fallen asleep a little while ago while I was lost in my thoughts. I watched her sleep for a few minutes. I felt at peace with myself. This is the way I should feel all the time. This could have been mine. I could wake up to this sight everyday if I hadn't been such a fucking idiot. Why do I have to fuck everything up?
I picked her up and held her tightly in my arms and took her into the bedroom. I guess no hanky panky tonight. I laid her gently on the mattress. I pulled off my shirt and jeans and climbed in bed beside her. I pulled her closer to me and wrapped ourselves under the blankets for warmth. I kissed her shoulder softly.
"I love you," I whispered in her ear, "I love you so much Cali. You don't even know."
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