Is It Temptation Or Is It Love?, chapter 2
I pulled into the driveway and locked the doors to my BMW. I walked inside and collapsed on the couch. I didn't know that he was going to be here so soon. I hadn't seen much of him in the last few months. He and the guys have been cooped up in the studio working on the new album and he spent much of last week in New York handling some Adeline business. Adrienne couldn't go because she was feeling sick and he's not supposed to be back until tomorrow. I wonder why he got out so early.
He hasn't called me in a few days because he's been so busy. He's the guy that calls, he rarely ever texts me. The only times I can recall is when he's either with Adie or when he's heading over here. If so, I better take a shower.
I got off the sofa and walked upstairs and into the bathroom. I got undressed and stared into the mirror again. This time I wasn't upset, just lonely. I had missed him so much. His touch. I was so anxious and nervous about seeing him. I always got like this when he was coming over after not seeing him for a while. I turned on the shower and took a hasty bath. The warm water engulfed me, making me feel better. I enjoyed the feeling, welcomed it. Anything that didn't make me feel so alone.
I turned off the shower and stepped out of the tub. Little droplets of water dripped from my hair leaving long lines of water down my body. The air from the rest of the house suddenly got colder so I grabbed a towel from the drawer and wrapped it around me.
I left the now steamy bathroom and walked into my bedroom. My room needed to be cleaned, my bed wasn't even made. A few of my clothes lie scattered across the floor. I walked into my closet and started to panic.
What should I wear? Should I wear something modest or something revealing? Are we going out or staying in? Is he even coming?
I calmed down and decided on a black and red corset top and a plaid skirt. I dried off my hair and quickly tidied my room. I finished making the bed and then walked back downstairs.
My living room was clean, so was my kitchen, nothing out of place. I sorted through my closet and pulled out a few scented candles to set the, well, you know. I set them around the living room. A few on the coffee table, a few on the fireplace, a few on the counter. It looked nice.
After a few minutes passed I started to think the worst. Maybe he isn't coming over. I'm such a stupid, naïve person to think he would. He's just gotten home from a week long stay in New York. He's tired and would want to spend the night with his family, not me, his mistress.
I felt the loneliness seep in as it had so many times before. I tried not to think about it but the harder I tried the more I thought about it. I pulled a pillow close to me and sobbed softly into it. Praying, wishing, wanting, hoping someone were beside me to hold me and tell me everything would be okay.
Just as I was about to doze off in a sadness driven sleep, I heard my door unlock. Footsteps padding across my wooden floors, a set of keys hang on the hook beside the door, a delighted gasp and then silence. I could just feel his presence, just knowing that he was in the room completely changed my demeanor. I almost thought I was dreaming. I got up from the sofa, tossed the pillow aside and turned my head slowly, as if I looked to soon he would disappear, but he didn't disappear.
I stared at him. Oh how I missed those eyes. They were staring, not at me, but through me, as if he could see the depths of my soul. His long, shaggy black hair covered part of his face. Although he had just walked in, I could already smell his scent, unmistakable. He was dressed simply, a white Ramones shirt and a pair of black jeans. His perfect lips were curved into a smile, but the more he looked at me, the smile faded. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me in a warm, loving hug. He brushed the strands of hair out of my face and lifted my face to his with both hands. His thumbs wiped away my tears and I felt like sobbing into his chest.
"Sh. It's okay, Cali. What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy right now."
"I am happy, I just, I thought that you wouldn't come."
"Don't worry babe, I'm right here, I'll always be right here."
He smiled at me again and kissed my forehead. I felt like laughing on the inside. He'll always be here for me? What about the nights that I can't sleep because no one is there with me, or when you're on tour and I have no one who cares about me, or when my mother asks me why I am still single and nearing the age of thirty-one and I want so badly to tell her that I have the greatest boyfriend in the world but I can't tell anyone because he's married?
He did, however, manage to stop the tears flowing from my eyes. I looked up at him and he was smiling down at me again. His smile always makes my fears and the entire world just float away. We walked back together on the sofa, not before he gave me another amazing kiss.
"So, I like what you did with the place."
He nodded towards all the candles I had placed around earlier. I laughed a bit.
"Was it too much?"
"No, it's perfect, just like you."
I felt light-headed again and he gave me another kiss. I have grown to love his kisses. When we first met, they were just lust-filled and always led to a night of blurry yet pleasure filled images. Now that we have gotten to know each other, his kisses are much more then that. They are a symbol of his love and affection for me and they always make me feel like I am floating three feet from the ground.
"You know I missed you."
"I know, you texted me."
"Yeah but I really did."
"Why are you here so early? I thought you had another day and a half in New York."
"I finished up early. I would have gone home today but I had the guys tell Adie that we were recording in the studio and that I was spending today and most of tomorrow at Mike's."
"Oh, so what are you doing here?"
"I'm spending the next day and a half here with you."
It felt as if my heart stopped beating. Did he just say that he was spending the next day and a half with me? He has never spent the night with me when he's at home. He is always either working or at home with the wife and kids. The only times I am with him for prolonged periods of time are when he brings me on tour. The idea of him here with me made me feel like the luckiest girl on the planet.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, I haven't spent that much time with you recently, Cali. I missed you like crazy and I thought this could make up for it."
"You really don't have to."
"You always say that but it's not true. You deserve it and you need to be spoiled every once in a while."
I felt like crying again. This time not out of sadness or loneliness but out of pure joy. He's so sweet, I really do love him. I guess I always did.
FLASHBACK:
January 6, 1994
These last few months couldn't have been better. I'd really gotten to know Billie and he's such a great guy. I think I might be falling in love with him. That sounds so strange coming from me but I think it's true. I might have actually fallen for someone. Every time I'm around him I just get shivers down my spine. We've been, how do I put this, friends with benefits for a while now. The sex is, well, great, but I like him for more then that. I just don't know if he likes me in that way.
Today, Billie is taking me out to the fair. I am so excited, I haven't gone to the fair since I was a little girl and no one has ever taken me in this way. Is it a date? I sure as hell hope so.
I am already dressed and waiting for him. My hair is wavy and down, the way he likes it. I'm wearing an old Steelpole Bathtub shirt, a black skirt and his leather jacket that he left at my house last week. I am sitting on the bench on the porch of my house and have been for the past half hour. Finally I saw his white Fairlane pull up into my driveway. He got out quickly and walked over and kissed my cheek.
"You ready to go?"
"Yeah."
"Well, let's hurry up before a crowd forms in front of all the good rides."
While we walked to his car, he took my hand. It's a hard thing to explain, the feeling I got from that one little gesture. Even though we've already done the deed, him just doing the little things like holding hands, talking for hours, even kissing me on my cheek always made my stomach do back flips.
I sat in the passenger seat as he started the engine. He put in one of his cassettes, Operation Ivy, and we sped off down the street. Billie had made it his goal to get me to listen to every great Bay area band. He was doing pretty well. My favorite, besides his own band, was Operation Ivy. They split up in 1989 and Tim and a few of the founding members formed a band called, Rancid. They asked Billie to join and he even wrote a song for their new album but in the end he declined the offer. He said he would never leave Green Day. That's pretty honorable seeing as Tim is one of his idol's.
We were both singing aloud, horribly off key, to Take Warning when Billie pulled the car to a stop. I looked out and saw the Fair. It was huge. A large group of people surrounded the ticket booth begging for entry, the abnormally large Ferris Wheel towered over the rest of the park. A few roller coasters that didn't look particularly scary were at the farthest end. I was able to see a few ice cream vendors towards the front gates.
Billie smiled at the scene that lie before us and looked at me.
"You ready to go?"
"Yeah, let's."
He killed the engine and I opened my side's door and we both got out. He walked around to my side and wrapped his arm casually around my shoulder.
"So, when was the last time you been to a fair?"
Should I tell him? I don't want to seem pathetic.
"Um...since I was about five."
"Really? Jeez, you've been missing out. That definitely means we are staying here as long as it takes for you to ride every damn ride in this park."
I laughed and he pulled me closer to him and we walked towards the ticket booth.
After about half an hour of waiting in line, we managed to get our tickets and entered the park. It was so different on the inside compared to the way it looked on the outside. The scent of freshly popped popcorn, cotton candy and baked pretzels filled my nostrils making me slightly hungry. I saw little booths where you win prizes, lit by bright multi-colored lights. The prizes, I have to admit, were cute.
"You want one of those?"
"I dunno..."
"Cali Marie Holden, I vow that by the end of tonight I'll win you one."
"Okay, you dork."
"Hey."
He playfully nudged my shoulder and I nudged him back. We headed towards one of the roller coasters that, now that I was so close, looked more then just scary. I looked up it and squeezed Billie's hand a bit tighter then I meant to.
"You scared?"
"No, it just looks bigger now that we're so close."
"So you wanna ride it?"
"Now, I didn't say that."
"Too late."
He grabbed my arm and practically dragged me towards the mechanical monster. I felt chills running up and down my spine. Why did I agree to go with him? Billie and I were seated in the first seat and he flashed me a smile, his green eyes were now lit with excitement. That's why I agreed to go with him.
I put my free hand on the bar in front of me and held it in a death grip. I was scared shitless when the ride started going up the slope. Billie looked at me again, this time he wasn't laughing.
"Cali, are you okay?"
I shook my head.
"No, I'm scared out of my mind."
"Look, sit closer to me, I won't let anything bad happen to you."
He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him. The warmth of his body comforted me and I felt better. I inhaled his scent and felt myself move closer to him.
The coaster reached the top of the slope and was about to enter the inevitable drop.
"Hold on to me Cali, this is the best part."
I did as I was told and grabbed his hand tightly. He hugged my shoulder just as tight to let me know he had me and the coaster plummeted at a hectic pace. We flew down and went through a loop. I felt all the blood rush to my head as we went up another, smaller slope and flew down just as fast. Loop after loop, drop after drop, I was no longer scared because I knew that I had someone there who cared for me.
END OF FLASHBACK.
He hasn't called me in a few days because he's been so busy. He's the guy that calls, he rarely ever texts me. The only times I can recall is when he's either with Adie or when he's heading over here. If so, I better take a shower.
I got off the sofa and walked upstairs and into the bathroom. I got undressed and stared into the mirror again. This time I wasn't upset, just lonely. I had missed him so much. His touch. I was so anxious and nervous about seeing him. I always got like this when he was coming over after not seeing him for a while. I turned on the shower and took a hasty bath. The warm water engulfed me, making me feel better. I enjoyed the feeling, welcomed it. Anything that didn't make me feel so alone.
I turned off the shower and stepped out of the tub. Little droplets of water dripped from my hair leaving long lines of water down my body. The air from the rest of the house suddenly got colder so I grabbed a towel from the drawer and wrapped it around me.
I left the now steamy bathroom and walked into my bedroom. My room needed to be cleaned, my bed wasn't even made. A few of my clothes lie scattered across the floor. I walked into my closet and started to panic.
What should I wear? Should I wear something modest or something revealing? Are we going out or staying in? Is he even coming?
I calmed down and decided on a black and red corset top and a plaid skirt. I dried off my hair and quickly tidied my room. I finished making the bed and then walked back downstairs.
My living room was clean, so was my kitchen, nothing out of place. I sorted through my closet and pulled out a few scented candles to set the, well, you know. I set them around the living room. A few on the coffee table, a few on the fireplace, a few on the counter. It looked nice.
After a few minutes passed I started to think the worst. Maybe he isn't coming over. I'm such a stupid, naïve person to think he would. He's just gotten home from a week long stay in New York. He's tired and would want to spend the night with his family, not me, his mistress.
I felt the loneliness seep in as it had so many times before. I tried not to think about it but the harder I tried the more I thought about it. I pulled a pillow close to me and sobbed softly into it. Praying, wishing, wanting, hoping someone were beside me to hold me and tell me everything would be okay.
Just as I was about to doze off in a sadness driven sleep, I heard my door unlock. Footsteps padding across my wooden floors, a set of keys hang on the hook beside the door, a delighted gasp and then silence. I could just feel his presence, just knowing that he was in the room completely changed my demeanor. I almost thought I was dreaming. I got up from the sofa, tossed the pillow aside and turned my head slowly, as if I looked to soon he would disappear, but he didn't disappear.
I stared at him. Oh how I missed those eyes. They were staring, not at me, but through me, as if he could see the depths of my soul. His long, shaggy black hair covered part of his face. Although he had just walked in, I could already smell his scent, unmistakable. He was dressed simply, a white Ramones shirt and a pair of black jeans. His perfect lips were curved into a smile, but the more he looked at me, the smile faded. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me in a warm, loving hug. He brushed the strands of hair out of my face and lifted my face to his with both hands. His thumbs wiped away my tears and I felt like sobbing into his chest.
"Sh. It's okay, Cali. What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy right now."
"I am happy, I just, I thought that you wouldn't come."
"Don't worry babe, I'm right here, I'll always be right here."
He smiled at me again and kissed my forehead. I felt like laughing on the inside. He'll always be here for me? What about the nights that I can't sleep because no one is there with me, or when you're on tour and I have no one who cares about me, or when my mother asks me why I am still single and nearing the age of thirty-one and I want so badly to tell her that I have the greatest boyfriend in the world but I can't tell anyone because he's married?
He did, however, manage to stop the tears flowing from my eyes. I looked up at him and he was smiling down at me again. His smile always makes my fears and the entire world just float away. We walked back together on the sofa, not before he gave me another amazing kiss.
"So, I like what you did with the place."
He nodded towards all the candles I had placed around earlier. I laughed a bit.
"Was it too much?"
"No, it's perfect, just like you."
I felt light-headed again and he gave me another kiss. I have grown to love his kisses. When we first met, they were just lust-filled and always led to a night of blurry yet pleasure filled images. Now that we have gotten to know each other, his kisses are much more then that. They are a symbol of his love and affection for me and they always make me feel like I am floating three feet from the ground.
"You know I missed you."
"I know, you texted me."
"Yeah but I really did."
"Why are you here so early? I thought you had another day and a half in New York."
"I finished up early. I would have gone home today but I had the guys tell Adie that we were recording in the studio and that I was spending today and most of tomorrow at Mike's."
"Oh, so what are you doing here?"
"I'm spending the next day and a half here with you."
It felt as if my heart stopped beating. Did he just say that he was spending the next day and a half with me? He has never spent the night with me when he's at home. He is always either working or at home with the wife and kids. The only times I am with him for prolonged periods of time are when he brings me on tour. The idea of him here with me made me feel like the luckiest girl on the planet.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, I haven't spent that much time with you recently, Cali. I missed you like crazy and I thought this could make up for it."
"You really don't have to."
"You always say that but it's not true. You deserve it and you need to be spoiled every once in a while."
I felt like crying again. This time not out of sadness or loneliness but out of pure joy. He's so sweet, I really do love him. I guess I always did.
FLASHBACK:
January 6, 1994
These last few months couldn't have been better. I'd really gotten to know Billie and he's such a great guy. I think I might be falling in love with him. That sounds so strange coming from me but I think it's true. I might have actually fallen for someone. Every time I'm around him I just get shivers down my spine. We've been, how do I put this, friends with benefits for a while now. The sex is, well, great, but I like him for more then that. I just don't know if he likes me in that way.
Today, Billie is taking me out to the fair. I am so excited, I haven't gone to the fair since I was a little girl and no one has ever taken me in this way. Is it a date? I sure as hell hope so.
I am already dressed and waiting for him. My hair is wavy and down, the way he likes it. I'm wearing an old Steelpole Bathtub shirt, a black skirt and his leather jacket that he left at my house last week. I am sitting on the bench on the porch of my house and have been for the past half hour. Finally I saw his white Fairlane pull up into my driveway. He got out quickly and walked over and kissed my cheek.
"You ready to go?"
"Yeah."
"Well, let's hurry up before a crowd forms in front of all the good rides."
While we walked to his car, he took my hand. It's a hard thing to explain, the feeling I got from that one little gesture. Even though we've already done the deed, him just doing the little things like holding hands, talking for hours, even kissing me on my cheek always made my stomach do back flips.
I sat in the passenger seat as he started the engine. He put in one of his cassettes, Operation Ivy, and we sped off down the street. Billie had made it his goal to get me to listen to every great Bay area band. He was doing pretty well. My favorite, besides his own band, was Operation Ivy. They split up in 1989 and Tim and a few of the founding members formed a band called, Rancid. They asked Billie to join and he even wrote a song for their new album but in the end he declined the offer. He said he would never leave Green Day. That's pretty honorable seeing as Tim is one of his idol's.
We were both singing aloud, horribly off key, to Take Warning when Billie pulled the car to a stop. I looked out and saw the Fair. It was huge. A large group of people surrounded the ticket booth begging for entry, the abnormally large Ferris Wheel towered over the rest of the park. A few roller coasters that didn't look particularly scary were at the farthest end. I was able to see a few ice cream vendors towards the front gates.
Billie smiled at the scene that lie before us and looked at me.
"You ready to go?"
"Yeah, let's."
He killed the engine and I opened my side's door and we both got out. He walked around to my side and wrapped his arm casually around my shoulder.
"So, when was the last time you been to a fair?"
Should I tell him? I don't want to seem pathetic.
"Um...since I was about five."
"Really? Jeez, you've been missing out. That definitely means we are staying here as long as it takes for you to ride every damn ride in this park."
I laughed and he pulled me closer to him and we walked towards the ticket booth.
After about half an hour of waiting in line, we managed to get our tickets and entered the park. It was so different on the inside compared to the way it looked on the outside. The scent of freshly popped popcorn, cotton candy and baked pretzels filled my nostrils making me slightly hungry. I saw little booths where you win prizes, lit by bright multi-colored lights. The prizes, I have to admit, were cute.
"You want one of those?"
"I dunno..."
"Cali Marie Holden, I vow that by the end of tonight I'll win you one."
"Okay, you dork."
"Hey."
He playfully nudged my shoulder and I nudged him back. We headed towards one of the roller coasters that, now that I was so close, looked more then just scary. I looked up it and squeezed Billie's hand a bit tighter then I meant to.
"You scared?"
"No, it just looks bigger now that we're so close."
"So you wanna ride it?"
"Now, I didn't say that."
"Too late."
He grabbed my arm and practically dragged me towards the mechanical monster. I felt chills running up and down my spine. Why did I agree to go with him? Billie and I were seated in the first seat and he flashed me a smile, his green eyes were now lit with excitement. That's why I agreed to go with him.
I put my free hand on the bar in front of me and held it in a death grip. I was scared shitless when the ride started going up the slope. Billie looked at me again, this time he wasn't laughing.
"Cali, are you okay?"
I shook my head.
"No, I'm scared out of my mind."
"Look, sit closer to me, I won't let anything bad happen to you."
He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him. The warmth of his body comforted me and I felt better. I inhaled his scent and felt myself move closer to him.
The coaster reached the top of the slope and was about to enter the inevitable drop.
"Hold on to me Cali, this is the best part."
I did as I was told and grabbed his hand tightly. He hugged my shoulder just as tight to let me know he had me and the coaster plummeted at a hectic pace. We flew down and went through a loop. I felt all the blood rush to my head as we went up another, smaller slope and flew down just as fast. Loop after loop, drop after drop, I was no longer scared because I knew that I had someone there who cared for me.
END OF FLASHBACK.
