"Strange Presences" Part I

Yesterday, I abruptly left GSB because I just realized something really freaky. Just thinking about it is giving the chills. And yes, I told my mom and my dad about it, and they say that they get similar feelings as me, although not as severe. However, they used to have the same feelings as I do when someone who impacted them closely died and there was some sort of unresolved issue or something. You can interpret this any way you wish, but here's my experience and opinion on something that I believe is very much present.

Remember when I made that post about my paranoia? Especially at night or when I am alone, that I feel like someone is following me? I feel a thousand times better concerning THAT, now that I know what it really is. Two-and-a-half years ago, my grandpa died and I could never put into words how close I was to him, since I lived with him since I was four. I'm getting that uncomfortable feeling as I type right now, very unnerved. To stay on track, I was only 13 and I was tearing up at the mere sight of my grandpa so ill and dying. I wanted to see him! But I kept avoiding his room, and my parents would always stay in with him for hours and hold his hand, and I envied them, wishing I could do that. The last time I talked to him was about two days before he died. I could barely look him into the eyes and whisper, "I love you." I kissed his forehead and I had to leave. I never said goodbye and that always weighed heavily on my mind. Shortly after his death, THAT'S when my paranoia about being left alone or at night, I would feel like someone's "trying to get me" or that "someone is in the house."

And then, about a week ago, I had a dream about my grandpa. But I was not 13, I was the same I am now. And the walls in the living room were painted as they are now, and the carpet was a different color. And he was laying in my grandma's bed, and her room was as it is now, because we gave it a make-over after his death. But my grandpa was not physically "sick." He had no oxygen tank, and he could still get up and walk around WITHOUT his cane or walker. No problems breathing, and regular reflexes. But he was dying. And, like before, I wanted to see him! But whenever he came up to me, I'd run away. But here's the difference from when I was 13 - I was scared. It was that same feeling I have at night, when I'm alone and I feel like someone's near me, that scared feeling.

Yesterday, I was thinking about it, and then, it just CLICKED. That feeling I get, it's my grandpa. Just stay with me, alright? Because my dream, it was a prophetic dream of how I'd figure out what that "someone" has been all along, and my reaction to it. Because I've wanted to make amends with my grandpa! But, at the same time, it SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME, the fact that there's something beyond me... there. It's such a strong feeling, I could never explain it to you. I talked to my parents about it, told the whole story about my paranoia and all. They told me that they felt the same way about other people, and how they got unnerved by feeling that someone who died is looking after them. But I have never been so sure in my life about anything I have never been able to confirm, that spirits definitely EXIST and that... feeling... I get, is my grandpa. Why am I scared? Like I said, I get creeped out by the fact that there's something beyond me that might as well be breathing down my neck. Wouldn't that freak you out too?

When I told my dad about it, because he's more open to this kind of thing than my mom, I started bawling out. I don't understand WHY, I just started crying and then I couldn't stop. It wasn't a mourning cry, it was a... an overwhelmed cry. And then when I told my mom, I started bawling out at the same spot, and it was worse. But there was mourning in that one. I'm welling up as I type right here. I really DO miss my grandpa, because I pretty much pushed his death to the back of my brain when he died. Someone I saw for almost every single day of my life. And this makes me think about my dad. I never really felt a connection between us, but now I do. He understands this type of thing the same way as I do and knows how to explain it to me. I never felt so close to him in my whole life and now I really don't want him to die. I used to say that I accepted his death, but now I'm not so sure. I can't imagine my dad gone.

Man, I'm crying. I'll be alright in a few days, I just have to... process... this whole thing. And that "scientist" part of my brain doesn't like me accepting this, because I hate accepting things I can't give a logical answer to. But it's an intuition. I've never been so sure of this feeling before in my LIFE. As for the Part II to this? It'll be about the experiences my parents told me about people who died, but they still appeared in their lives somehow. And other stories I heard from other people I know. I'll probably get some/a lot of criticism for this, because I bet it sounds like I'm speaking a bunch of crap, but I don't really care if you don't believe me, to be honest. I know what it is, and the people around me believe it's there too, and they know his presence is in the house. So there.