Sometimes I just want to scream "I WAS ABUSED!" [Please read. Don't let this happen to you.]

Disclaimer: Usually, I am not like this. I don't go looking for attention. But I think talking about this could help me get over it, so that is what I'm doing. I'm not asking for advice. All I ask is that you read this, and maybe take to heart some of the things I have to say. And don't ever let this happen to you, because anyone who would do shit like this to you, and say they love you, is lying.
I'm not giving a name or a story.
You get the basics. Because that's all you need.

I was with this boy for 7 months. About 2 weeks after we started going out, he got mad because he thought I was flirting with my guy friends, who'd been holding me down and slapping my bum. I was fighting back, and trying to get up, so obviously, I was not flirting.
He would get mad when I talked to certain people, mostly my exes and best guy friends.
One time when I was mad at him, I wrote a poem about it, how I felt he treated me. I put it in a blog on Myspace that was set to private, and he asked to see it. I didn't want to let him, but he yelled at me until I did. I showed him, he got mad. He went to his kitchen, and got a knife. He came back into his room, and held it against his stomach. "Push it in," he said, "If I make you that unhappy...let me do you this favor." I went to grab it and take it away, and he rotated the blade so that it would at least cut his palm open. Fortunately, I was able to get it away from him without anyone getting hurt. There was another situation like that, but I don't remember what caused it.
When I graduated, he didn't come to my graduation. And when I had my graduation party, my gay best friend came from 3 hours away, and my then-boyfriend got mad at me because I was trying to talk to my friend more than the boyfriend. I hadn't seen my friend in a long time, so there you go. My then-boyfriend actually tried to go beat up my friend, saying that I was flirting with him and stuff. HE'S GAY. The only thing that stopped him was me holding him back and telling him I would leave him if he did. At that point, he started asking me why I would choose my friend over him, and crying. [Fortunately my friend was in the car the whole time and doesn't know any of this.]
Things like that happened alot. I went swimming with two of my guy friends, and when I told the boyfriend, he flipped out. That was towards the end of our relationship. After that, he called me a slut or whore on a regular basis. I went over to his house later that night, after we'd worked it out [or so I thought.] He came out in the front yard, and pushed me. I fell onto the ground.
The day before we broke up, we got into a fight, because one of my guy friends had called to ask if we were going to this girl's graduation party. [She'd asked him to call us.] The boyfriend and I ended up arguing [he thought I was too excited about the fact that this guy had called-I hadn't seen the friend for like a month though.], and so I went for a drive. The boyfriend and I were on the phone, yelling at each other, and he said "Be sure to use a condom at that party!" I started crying. We made up later that night. And then he dumped me the next day.

So there you have it. Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse.

Girls, don't ever give your heart away to a boy like that. And be careful with boys who say they need someone to save them. That's what he did. And I thought he meant it.

Not only will they mess you up, but you yourself, will mess you up when it's all over.
Everyday, I ask myself why all this happened, why everything was my fault. The most messed up part of all this is...I really do think it's all my fault. I know it isn't and I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. And I still somehow love him. It's messed up. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU. I don't know you, most likely, but I am saying, even though I don't have anything to base this off of, I care enough about you to offer you this warning. Because NO ONE should ever have to feel this way.

Any boy who will ever lay a hand on you in anger, or yell at you, or put you down, or try to make you be someone different than you are, isn't worth it.
Please, learn from this. I don't want this to happen to anyone else.
Posted on October 3rd, 2007 at 12:55am

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