Easy mornings, now.

I am constantly more and more enlightened as the days pass. I have lost myself in a state of total... peace? I feel myself floating in an empty space, static and soft sound, a little bit hope-guitar on the side. I've been weaving through a network of clouds, and the sun is so bright now. I feel so much joy and love that it seems my chest will explode.

There has been so much change in my life, I don't even know where to begin. I used to want to die, and now... I am so excited to live. I simply cannot wait to get out and make other people feel happy and know the things I feel. Bouts of optimism are pouring out of me like a flood. I actually want to get out of bed as soon as I wake up, so I can walk outside and enjoy the sun, which I now actually love.

But the question lingers: is it real?

Is it just the fact that I've chosen to make myself happier by perhaps walking into an illusion? I feel like I'm in a Wonderland...Neverland. This is what I imagine a gentle dose of acid would be like. Maybe it's not reality. What if I'm just deceiving myself?

I like to think I've improved my personal relationships with people. The way I used to be...I would have never made it this far with the amazing friends I have now. They are...beautiful. I think it was only me who was too pessimistic and mean to care before, because I've known them so long, and only now am I grateful for them. Really, I couldn't ask for better people to dream with me.

And then...there's writing. I wonder if it makes sense to say that I drew more inspiration from sorrow, or whatever it is that I felt (just angst, probably. I've realized that maybe it wasn't such a severe degree of sadness to be considered "sorrow) Consequently, my creativity and inspiration have come much more seldom these days. See, I've chaned my perspective on a lot of things, like music; tunes that used to make me sad, now make me happy. I suppose I should change my perspective on that too.

I don't know what's happening to me. But I hope it's real.
Posted on March 25th, 2008 at 10:23pm


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