What hurts the most, was being so close. Having so much to say and watching you walk away.
Recently I had to watch my girlfriend walk away from me after we lost our baby through natural causes. It tore us apart and frankly I blame myself. I jumped in head first into a wave of drug dealing to get money so I could support the family I was being apart of and for once in my life I actually felt that I had done something right.
I got caught dealing and is already going through a long process of court hearings, where I will state my side to the evidence. I don't deny that I was selling drugs or beating people up for money, but at that moment in time I needed the money so i could afford things like a cot, babygrows, baby mittens and woolen hats. I was going to be a dad and for the first time in mine and Jenny's life we felt as if we had actually progressed through something. She lost the baby because of me. Because I'd most likely be sent to prison for anything up to life. What kind of father would I be if I never met my own kid. Because I was so stupid but knew I was doing the right thing despite what people said.
We've broke up again and I know for a fact we're not getting back together. She's lost weight, she's not sleeping, she's booked herself into a clinic which deals with mental exhaustion and depression. And I'm here. Smoking crack until I can't think straight, drinking cheap vodka so i don't forget. What kind of person am I?
I got caught dealing and is already going through a long process of court hearings, where I will state my side to the evidence. I don't deny that I was selling drugs or beating people up for money, but at that moment in time I needed the money so i could afford things like a cot, babygrows, baby mittens and woolen hats. I was going to be a dad and for the first time in mine and Jenny's life we felt as if we had actually progressed through something. She lost the baby because of me. Because I'd most likely be sent to prison for anything up to life. What kind of father would I be if I never met my own kid. Because I was so stupid but knew I was doing the right thing despite what people said.
We've broke up again and I know for a fact we're not getting back together. She's lost weight, she's not sleeping, she's booked herself into a clinic which deals with mental exhaustion and depression. And I'm here. Smoking crack until I can't think straight, drinking cheap vodka so i don't forget. What kind of person am I?
Just felt I had to post something here. I know what you're going through as I got charged with GBH and will be getting sentenced in a couple of months when I get to the end of the court stuff. For a while I felt like my life was over and it wasn't worth living but I've got passed that and am ready for what happens. the way I'm looking at it is the sooner I get sentenced the sooner all this will be over and I can get back to having a normal life. I was sh*tting it about prison at first but I've got my head round that and just want to make the best of it and get a chance to start again. This probably doesn't help much but just thought I'd post it. You're only 18 and even if you go to prison you have your whole life ahead of you.
mark1983, August 7th, 2008 at 06:35:29pm
Your a good person I know that. I know you were doing it for the sake of others. Because I bet learning your gonna be a father can be stressful as much as it is to the mother. To me your a great person, and when given the chance again, a great father. Although you made a 'bad decision' it doesn't define you. you were doing this for your child and you did do something right, you were involved, you could have been the dad to leave and never come back. but no, you were trying to do this for your child and girlfriend.and thats enough evidence for me to know your a good person, only trying to find good intentions out of 'bad things'.
keep moving forward, don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong.
Drummergirl, July 16th, 2008 at 02:34:58pm
I think the best thing to do now is move on.
I know it sucks, but you really do seem like a good person.
Not many people would beat people up and do whatever they could to support a child. At least you tried and that's better than nothing. Just because you've done "bad things" it doesn't make you a bad person. You have good intentions.. that alone can take you a long way.
Never give up.
threeam., July 15th, 2008 at 05:38:05pm
you can't let anyone's words hold you back, not even families. from what i know of you, you're a good person. you care. enough said. and you didn't leave your girl when you found out that she was having your baby. that alone makes a good person. you don't deny what you did, and you don't try to hide anything. again, that alone makes you a good person. but if i may say somehting, please try to stop the crack. you're too good to give into it.
get famous, July 15th, 2008 at 03:42:45pm
You're a smart person.
.. while it may not seem like it at times, you really are, because you're aware of the mistakes you've made and you just want to make them better. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
Smart people learn from their mistakes.
Hello, My Name Is Asshole, July 15th, 2008 at 12:38:13pm
and besides, you know what... a lot of times people who blame others like your step father, usually have a bad self esteem them selves. so don't take it personally. deep down he probably hates himself and thats why he has the need to be mean and insult you. just let it go and don't listen to him. ok?
princess consuela, July 15th, 2008 at 12:36:39pm
so... your step dad is clearly a moron. i know it's hard but try not to listen to that crap. i believe it too when people say bad things about me, but it's a sign of a weakness.
fortunately there is also always people to say good things about you. like i'm doing now. i might be repeating myself but this is what i think and it's true:
sh*t happens. everyone screws up. you're not perfect, you never will be and you're gonna have to learn to live witht that.
what matters is, you're still a good person because you care. that's what matters. do you believe me????
princess consuela, July 15th, 2008 at 12:11:02pm
That's stupid.
You are a nice person.
Why? Because you care!
You have a heart and feelings!
And most people have a lack of those.
brompton cocktail., July 15th, 2008 at 12:06:07pm
He just explained to me that I'm a useless tosser, I'm used and dropped when it suits people. Jenny was an idiot for seeing anything in me, the baby died to get away from me..
schooldropout, July 15th, 2008 at 12:02:37pm
what did he tell you? don't agree with sh*theads. and i assume he is one if he says bad things about you.
princess consuela, July 15th, 2008 at 11:57:12am
Yeah I was asking. haha
I totally disagree, my step dad told me and I agree.
schooldropout, July 15th, 2008 at 11:54:04am
are you actually asking...?
welllll, you're a good person. you are a good person because you care. try to keep that in mind. i have a lot of respect for you. people screw up all the time. the important part is that you clearly care, and that makes you a good person, no matter what stupid sh*t you've done.
princess consuela, July 15th, 2008 at 11:48:07am