Unfortunate Son

I have just had one of those pivotal moments in your life when you finally figure out what everybody meant when they said " your too young". I broke up, or was dumped... the relationship was terminated, between me and my girl of two years. I loved her. I still do, and even though everybody said it wouldn't last, I still think it could have. She said she wasn't happy, and over what isn't clear really, but she's gone. I'm left with the idea's of what went wrong, and one thing I would have to say is that I wasn't honest enough with her.

I tried so hard to make her happy that a lot of times I would swallow the things that pissed me off the most. Then after an unhealthy amount of that I would spit it all back out and use it as ammunition to get my way. Big mistake in hindsight. Still, despite that we were still pretty cool most of the time (till, of course, the end). I would do anything for her, no matter what if I gave her my word I did everything in my power to keep it. Heck, I moved out of my biological parents house twice from Massachusetts just to be with her in Tennessee ! I was 15.

But in the end she never really showed the same devotion. I mean, it might be hard to hold a candle to the romantic returns I made, but she didn't even really seem to try. I would make plans to go on a date and she wouldn't ask her dad, or she'd forget and run off with a friend of hers, and some of the time those friends were guys. She isn't the type to cheat though. so STFU. Anyway it was F#cked up. My point i'm making is, we both lied. We would just keep on going because we were so used to each other and didn't think we could do any better, and to be honest I can't, and so far she cant either.

She is still my best friend, still my favorite person to talk to, still there for me if I really need it. But Its so hard thinking about the dumb shit she put me through and how dumb I think it is that she just won"t come back. I'm stupid like that. She can treat me like sh!t and I will still come crawling back. Maybe I didn't make her happy, but she sure as hell made me happy a lot. What in the hell is my point? why am I still writing this? I"m telling you you ignorant mother f*ckers. Break up. more than a year? drop it now if your under eighteen.

Its worth it only while it lasts. When the hour glass comes up empty, so will you. We're so young that we wrap up our identities in our girlfriends/boyfriends too quickly and when they're gone we don't know what the f*ck is going on. You end up feeling so desperate that you do things you WILL regret, and to be honest, it isn't worth taking at chance at this point in time. I still want my old girl back. I would still fall in love and do it all over again with her. But it would change the fact that I am a stupid sh!t for doing it.

Maybe when we grow up a little it will work itself out, who knows? but I'm not holding my breath anymore, I'm gonna be a hell raising little S.O.B till a good one nails my d!ck to the floor. And the way that's going, it won't be for a good long while. In the end I'm not saying don't date, I'm saying don't take it too seriously. life's too full of opportunity for girls and guys alike when were this young, take advantage of it.
Posted on December 23rd, 2009 at 11:30pm


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