Of Broken Hearts, I've had a few..
Pardon if this doesn't make sense.
I just need to get this out.
I can't fucking take this anymore. Life seems to be determined to fuck me over.
I might as well just be completely honest here. If anyone sees this they won't care. And if the people on GSB I talk about see this, fuck, who cares anymore.
Yes. This is one of those stupid broken hearted blogs.
Yes. I'm an angsty teenager.
Yes. I'm a lesbian victim to unrequited love.
Brace yourself.
For starters, let's go to my first heart wrench.
Yes, I had a huge-ass crush on Joey.
Right after B came along.
So of course I put on my brave face and said "that's so cute" "that's adorable" and broke a little inside.
Unless you've been there, you don't know how hard it is to hear "I used to like you, ah well." when you still do.
This went on for months.
My second was worse. Kit. God.
I fell for a straight girl.
I didn't try to sway her, but the absolute heartbreaking thing here was her constant telling me "I had a crush on you when I thought you were a boy."
That's being told, "I would go out with you if it weren't for something you can't change." "I'm sorry, you're not quite good enough."
Yosoy thought I was a boy, too. Flirted with me all the time. And because of my desperate want to think that maybe someone, somewhere likes me and is interested in me romantically, I let her keep thinking that. My desperation of maybe I'm not that one girl that is liked, but never liked, compelled me to lie. (She now knows the truth.)
Not to mention Rachael and Brooke. My wives. Who don't date online. But are perfectly fine with dating everyone else around them and telling me, where I again put on my brave face like I'm not jealous that people vie for them. Pardon me if I don't feel honest sympathy for people constantly flirting with you for being beautiful- I don't have that problem.
Speaking of life. Hillary. My IRL best friend. If I had a dollar every time she accidentally kissed my arm or leg, or said "I would date you if I didn't already have a girlfriend," I would be a rich woman.
And finally Amanda. She is online. Lives only 3 hours from me. But wait. She has a boyfriend. Oh but okay. She likes me more. But I would feel like SH!T suggesting that she break up with him for me. She's coming to ASTL (Anime St. Louis) with me, and we're sharing a bed. That will be fun. Oh wait. Also. She's 20. I'm nearly 17. That's illegal. So even if, GOD FORBID, I was allowed happiness for half a second, I would be happy on illegal terms.
The one time I was happy was with Kim. And maybe I was wrong to subject her to how fucking messed up I am.
My heart hurts so much.
Why can't I be happy... Why?
Being an anti-social lesbian sucks so much.
I just need to get this out.
I can't fucking take this anymore. Life seems to be determined to fuck me over.
I might as well just be completely honest here. If anyone sees this they won't care. And if the people on GSB I talk about see this, fuck, who cares anymore.
Yes. This is one of those stupid broken hearted blogs.
Yes. I'm an angsty teenager.
Yes. I'm a lesbian victim to unrequited love.
Brace yourself.
For starters, let's go to my first heart wrench.
Yes, I had a huge-ass crush on Joey.
Right after B came along.
So of course I put on my brave face and said "that's so cute" "that's adorable" and broke a little inside.
Unless you've been there, you don't know how hard it is to hear "I used to like you, ah well." when you still do.
This went on for months.
My second was worse. Kit. God.
I fell for a straight girl.
I didn't try to sway her, but the absolute heartbreaking thing here was her constant telling me "I had a crush on you when I thought you were a boy."
That's being told, "I would go out with you if it weren't for something you can't change." "I'm sorry, you're not quite good enough."
Yosoy thought I was a boy, too. Flirted with me all the time. And because of my desperate want to think that maybe someone, somewhere likes me and is interested in me romantically, I let her keep thinking that. My desperation of maybe I'm not that one girl that is liked, but never liked, compelled me to lie. (She now knows the truth.)
Not to mention Rachael and Brooke. My wives. Who don't date online. But are perfectly fine with dating everyone else around them and telling me, where I again put on my brave face like I'm not jealous that people vie for them. Pardon me if I don't feel honest sympathy for people constantly flirting with you for being beautiful- I don't have that problem.
Speaking of life. Hillary. My IRL best friend. If I had a dollar every time she accidentally kissed my arm or leg, or said "I would date you if I didn't already have a girlfriend," I would be a rich woman.
And finally Amanda. She is online. Lives only 3 hours from me. But wait. She has a boyfriend. Oh but okay. She likes me more. But I would feel like SH!T suggesting that she break up with him for me. She's coming to ASTL (Anime St. Louis) with me, and we're sharing a bed. That will be fun. Oh wait. Also. She's 20. I'm nearly 17. That's illegal. So even if, GOD FORBID, I was allowed happiness for half a second, I would be happy on illegal terms.
The one time I was happy was with Kim. And maybe I was wrong to subject her to how fucking messed up I am.
My heart hurts so much.
Why can't I be happy... Why?
Being an anti-social lesbian sucks so much.
Wow actually I thought you were awkward about dating online 'cause I tried kind of hinting towards it before B came along, dunno, you should've told me you felt this way though, from what you write I can tell it wasn't a very pleasant experience.
Mr. Teatime, December 22nd, 2010 at 08:24:48pm
The feelings will go away when you learn to like yourself.
Or so I've been told. The jury seems to have neglected the issue completely.
But really.....I dunno, Seymour.
I know how you feel, more or less. Probably less. Some of your situations are painfully familiar, but...eh. I'm not sure if that counts for much and I'm sure it wouldn't make a difference either way.
It will be okay, eventually. You just have to wait it out. [/failadvice]
banquo, December 20th, 2010 at 01:24:10am
Yeah, they don't equate to happiness. I don't want a relationship for the sake of a relationship. I want one to know I'm not completely worthless. My friends ditch me all the time. My parents are never around. My only real comforts are online. I just feel like ifI had that, maybe my feeling of absolute worthlessness would go away, you know?
Tyler Durden, December 18th, 2010 at 10:39:43am
Yes, I had a huge-ass crush on Joey.
Right after B came along.
So of course I put on my brave face and said "that's so cute" "that's adorable" and broke a little inside.
Unless you've been there, you don't know how hard it is to hear "I used to like you, ah well." when you still do.
This went on for months.
^exact same. Like EXACTLY. ahhahahaha crazy to think of now, but I have once again been proved right in my everybody at some stage has a thing for joey theory. ahhahahaha....fmfl. although tbh I was like IN LOVE with him for like 3 years so it wasn't so much a thing as an irritating horrible nightmareish thing one tries to ignore.
ahahhaha
More importantly, you will find someone. I spent like 3/4 years basicly dating anyone that would have me and being everyones emotional dustbin in the desperate hope that someone would turn around one day and give what I gave, but they never will so you just have to stop liking straight girls and start going to crazy parties, get a girl drunk and see what happens, people are less awful when they're drunk.
Orrr idk, stop letting people flirt with you if they have someone/are straight, you'd be much better just saving your self respect and heart and just flying solo for a bit.
Oh and you probably don't believe me, because I didn't until like the last week or so, but relationships do not =happiness. (n)
Yay!, December 18th, 2010 at 03:07:07am
I know exactly how this feels.
Granted I'm almost a year younger than you, I can still relate. If you ever need to talk about anything I'm always here.
midorifreak., December 18th, 2010 at 01:06:56am