Masochist

Masochism is a term often used for those who get sexual pleasure from pain, either self inflicted, or caused by someone else.

In my case, I do not get any form of sexual pleasure from pain. I just love the way pain hurts.

The kind of pain I enjoy most is self inflicted, if anyone else hurts me or I injure myself accidently, I cry like a new born baby. One time, I was sitting at my computer with my right leg folded underneath of my body. I stood up to get a glass of water and did not realize that my foot was asleep to the point where I could no longer feel it. As a result of not being able to feel my foot, it rolled under and I started walking on top of it. I almost fell on top of my brother who was laying on the floor nest to me. When I tried to take another step the pain hit me, and I started sobbing. The nest day I looked at my foot and it was swollen and completely discolored, I had sprained it. The next week and a half was absolutely no fun, and the pain did not feel good at all.

Now, since I was a cutter for a while, it is probably pretty obvious that my favorite place to inflict pain is on my forearms and thighs. Over the years of doing these things to myself, I have found the best way to get the cuts to hurt just right.

I use a serrated knife; it just pulls at the skin so much more beautifully than straight edged razors.

I don’t cut so deep as to see blood running down my arms anymore, just enough for the blood to bubble up out of the cut a bit. This is because I’ve come to learn that the closer the cut is to the surface of the skin, the better and longer it stings and burns so good.