We Are The Kids Of War And Peace
You know how everyone tells you friends drift apart after high school no matter how close? It's a weird thing when you realize how true that statement is. I suppose not all friends drift, but it does happen alot of the time. I suppose that's true for alot of friendships, but I'm noticing now that your closest friends during high school may not be so close after.
You can be so close with someone for so long, and then something happens. No matter how little or insignificant you may think it is at the time- that something starts a ripple effect, and before you know it, everything's different. It may take a bigger event to show you just what's been going on, and how far apart you've drifted already, but at some point, or you may just notice it on your own. It doesn't matter how or when- but at some point, you will notice it.
I keep saying 'you', however, this is obviously a reflection of my thoughts, so maybe I should be saying 'I', but I'm speaking in general terms, so I'll just continue on with the 'you.' Back on topic...
So the question becomes: When you finally DO notice it... should you try to salvage the friendships or should you just continue on the way you are and let yourself drift? Was the friendship worth saving at all?
It's a difficult question to answer. You'll start to notice things that may never have bothered you much about the person bother you alot now. You may question their morals, their ethics, and wonder if that's even the type of person you want to associate with. However, the bit that makes it hard is that there's already that strong bond between you. It pulls you in completely opposite directions, making the decision quite hard. You may even hate alot of things about that person, but at the same time... you still care about them alot.
Maybe you're just scared to let the friendship drift apart any further because you don't want to know what it's like to not be friends with that person. Maybe they've been there for you through some of the most difficult things in your life and done nothing but support you through it all. Maybe they helped you come out of your shell. Introduced you to new people, new things, opened your eyes to something you never would have bothered with before. And maybe you feel guilty for hating things about that person- resenting them, and feel like they deserve the same thing from you... not total abandonment and allowing things to become too far gone to salvage.
But at the same time... how can you be friends with someone whose values, ethics, morals, and beliefs are the polar opposite of yours and you find them completely ignorant, narrow-minded, blind, and possibly even cruel? When you're taking 2 completely opposite paths with your lives? When one of you chooses to go fight a war, and the other wants nothing more than to stop it. And I guess politics can make or break a friendship- I know that sounds weird, but it really can matter in some cases. When that person won't ever tell you what's wrong so you can fix things. When you feel unwanted when with that person sometimes. When you feel that things have been wrong for a while and you aren't sure if that other person has seen it or not, and if they have- why they're just ignoring it? Have they already made up their mind? When you feel that you can't even talk to them about this subject- not completely and not honestly, and not just because you're scared... but because you don't know if the person will tell you everything either.
There are so many things to be taken into consideration when faced with this decision, and you HAVE to choose to go one way or the other. It's not the type of situation you can just let go and whatever happens- happens. When a part of you feels like you owe the person for always being a good friend before the drift started and you want to be able to be there for them through their problems and stand by them like they stood by you; another part of you hates certain things about that person and they may even completely disgust you and you feel guilty for feeling that.
And through all this rambling, I've come to realize that I still don't know. In the end, I guess Green Day has said it best. We really ARE the kids of war and peace.
You can be so close with someone for so long, and then something happens. No matter how little or insignificant you may think it is at the time- that something starts a ripple effect, and before you know it, everything's different. It may take a bigger event to show you just what's been going on, and how far apart you've drifted already, but at some point, or you may just notice it on your own. It doesn't matter how or when- but at some point, you will notice it.
I keep saying 'you', however, this is obviously a reflection of my thoughts, so maybe I should be saying 'I', but I'm speaking in general terms, so I'll just continue on with the 'you.' Back on topic...
So the question becomes: When you finally DO notice it... should you try to salvage the friendships or should you just continue on the way you are and let yourself drift? Was the friendship worth saving at all?
It's a difficult question to answer. You'll start to notice things that may never have bothered you much about the person bother you alot now. You may question their morals, their ethics, and wonder if that's even the type of person you want to associate with. However, the bit that makes it hard is that there's already that strong bond between you. It pulls you in completely opposite directions, making the decision quite hard. You may even hate alot of things about that person, but at the same time... you still care about them alot.
Maybe you're just scared to let the friendship drift apart any further because you don't want to know what it's like to not be friends with that person. Maybe they've been there for you through some of the most difficult things in your life and done nothing but support you through it all. Maybe they helped you come out of your shell. Introduced you to new people, new things, opened your eyes to something you never would have bothered with before. And maybe you feel guilty for hating things about that person- resenting them, and feel like they deserve the same thing from you... not total abandonment and allowing things to become too far gone to salvage.
But at the same time... how can you be friends with someone whose values, ethics, morals, and beliefs are the polar opposite of yours and you find them completely ignorant, narrow-minded, blind, and possibly even cruel? When you're taking 2 completely opposite paths with your lives? When one of you chooses to go fight a war, and the other wants nothing more than to stop it. And I guess politics can make or break a friendship- I know that sounds weird, but it really can matter in some cases. When that person won't ever tell you what's wrong so you can fix things. When you feel unwanted when with that person sometimes. When you feel that things have been wrong for a while and you aren't sure if that other person has seen it or not, and if they have- why they're just ignoring it? Have they already made up their mind? When you feel that you can't even talk to them about this subject- not completely and not honestly, and not just because you're scared... but because you don't know if the person will tell you everything either.
There are so many things to be taken into consideration when faced with this decision, and you HAVE to choose to go one way or the other. It's not the type of situation you can just let go and whatever happens- happens. When a part of you feels like you owe the person for always being a good friend before the drift started and you want to be able to be there for them through their problems and stand by them like they stood by you; another part of you hates certain things about that person and they may even completely disgust you and you feel guilty for feeling that.
And through all this rambling, I've come to realize that I still don't know. In the end, I guess Green Day has said it best. We really ARE the kids of war and peace.
True. Very damn true. I was told that I was only going to keep one or even two of my very close friends from elementary. (no middle schools where I live) I was hoping and praying that I'd keep them both. We promised each other that we wouldn't change into "gangstas" or "sl*ts." So high school... me and one of my friends drifted apart a lot more than I expected. Now we barely speak to each other outside of school. He changed and to this day I still struggle to let go of the person he once was. Me and my other friend however, are still close, and I'm happy I at least got to keep her.
Friends can be easy to get, especially if things click in right away, but its hard to hang onto them.
threeam., April 2nd, 2007 at 07:04:38pm
I just don't know if it is worth it anymore, though. You know the backstory behind this... things haven't been right for a while now.
Teenage.Assassin, April 2nd, 2007 at 04:16:03pm
I completely understand what you're talking about and, for the most part, what you're going through. I'm a sophomore in college (which you know) and it gets incredibly hard to keep in contact with your friends, even if they're 2 hours away or a whole state or country away.
It always depends on the way a person is, if you ask me. Those friends that I still keep in contact with are those that still share my tastes in things- we're still the same type of people. However, I have lost contact completely with friends that were really different. It is sad, but people change.
I understand what person you're talking about, and I feel like I can't just say to forget about that friendship. The friends I've lost contact with were never hugely close to me. Those I still talk to are. I think that even though there are problems and differing viewpoints, you both can still be friends. Try to remember the good aspects of your friendship- not the bad.
People are different, yes. But opposite people can still be the very best of friends, and I think you should stick to that. Instead of contrasting your personalities, compare them. What do you both have in common and keep the friendship alive with that.
Ultimately, though, it's up to you.
wait_what, April 2nd, 2007 at 01:01:56pm
Wow.
True.
This is my last year of High School and I already know that a lot of my friends I'm probably not going to keep in contact with them.
My best friend and I drifted apart last year. For some stupid reason, but now..we're trying to get to know each other again. Which I am ecstatic about. The reason is: we both want to stay in contact once we leave. We don't want to have stayed apart because of some stupid stupid thing that is seemingly insignificant now.
But yes. Part of me is so scared that my close friends and I are going to drift apart. I really don't want that to happen.
vonny, April 2nd, 2007 at 02:43:51am
i think its quite true, although im only 15, a few people around say that htey want to be in the army. But they dont really listen in to politics. Which really bugs me because they DONT know what theyre fighting for and against. And that really gets me angry.
Vegemite, April 2nd, 2007 at 02:43:08am