No, this is not an "I want attention" blog

That's not what I'm aiming for at all.

I've been having a really hard time lately, and I have yet to find out why. So, I thought, maybe typing all of my problems out would help me feel better (it's always easier to talk about this stuff when you can't see the people's faces for me...).

Ok, my mom has depression. She is constantly moping around and sleeping and paying no attention to me whatsoever. I know this isn't exactly her fault. My brother get's almost all of my mother's attention. He also has depression, along with asperger's syndrom and autism. He's a high-functioning autistic child but he's still hard to communicate with. I get so mad at him sometimes because he will cry about the littlest things, but then I realize what the problem is- he can't get out what he wants to say. I don't know about you, but it would be extremely irritating for me if I couldn't make people understand what I'm trying to say. Sure that happens to me but not as much as my brother. That's why my mom pays so much attention to him because she truly wants to understand him. You don't know how hard she is trying to do her homework on catching up with these, um, diseases. She is constantly buying books for herself and me to read so we will be able to understand him. I don't know about you, but that type of reading tends to be extremely boring for me.

Now, my dad. He gets so mad at the littlest things. He screams at me and curses at me for doing something that I didn't actually do. He has no patience whatsoever. He makes my brother cry all the time, and I hate seeing him tell my brother to "suck it up" and that "real men don't cry like little babies". Well, I've got news for him, my 10 year old brother isn't, and won't be for a long time, a man! There is no problem with him crying if he constantly yells at him and criticizing him for what he can't help!

My dad has a girlfriend, and her name is Renea. She has two kids, which I think are complete spoiled brats. They get whatever they want and I feel so bad for Renea because they are extremely unruly and it's like they have complete control over her. They grew up without a father, which, I know, is causing some of this behavior. They yell at me and hit me like they're all hot s***. THEY ARE SEVEN AND EIGHT YEARS OLD! I find it really frustrating to get bossed around by kids that are younger than me.

My grandparents on my mom's side are completely, how do I put it, um, favoring I guess. They just love oh so much their youngest daughter and her son. I personally think that it's because my aunt is more "successful" than my mother. Who cares? Shouldn't parents love their children no matter what? My mom should be the one who is ticked off at them! My grandpa did things to her when she was a little girl that no person should have to go through. He molested her. Oh no, he didn't do that to my aunt. Oh, never her!! It's amazing how he did all that stuff to her but she still goes right back to him. He treats her like complete crap and that includes my brother and me. That is a HUGE act of courage if you ask me. He has been clean of alcohol for I don't know how long but he still continues to treat her like the "bad" child. My aunt is a complete b**** and everyone knows it. But they continue to treat her like she's queen. They don't give a crap about us.

My grandma on my other side has had cancer for about 6 months now and she has went through massive amounts of chemo. She had to have a traik[I have no idea how to spell that] which is a hole in your neck, put in because she couldn't breath and has since not been able to talk. She is about the most courageous person I have ever known. I love her to death and would hate to lose her. And my grandpa! He has lived alone for that entire time and has went up to the hospital everyday to see her.

She is now talking and learning to walk again. She has made major accomplishments. I love her to death.

Now to Dalton. I love him so much. He makes me feel like I am the center of his world. I love him for that. He gives me the attention that I need and I gladly return it to him. He has never once said anything to hurt me or make me feel bad. He's almost the best thing that has happened to me.

OK... I am done. =/
Posted on April 2nd, 2007 at 07:51pm


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