"Do You Have A Lifestory, Jimmy?", chapter 11
Loneliness. Death. Lonely. Dead. Lonely. Dead. Dead. Lonely. LONELY!
I had gone back to my belaying boredom phase again. What was there now to live for?
Nineteen and lost.
For how long had I spent my time here, in this cell? It was January. The first of January. 4 months and 13 days without her. Without anything to breath for. She had given me the right excuses to stay around her. To be there. Just an excuse to live.
I didn't care about wiping tears now. I let them run down my red cheeks.
The fire place infront of me crackled, you would probably call it cosy, but to me, it was just a memory killer.
One last look at the pictures. One last.
As biting my lip hard, I threw the bundle of photographs into the blazing fire.
I looked down at my bleeding wrist, with a helpless and indifferent glance.
I let the razor cut a small wound in my left arm. My voice wouldn't make a sound. Only my inside screamed. In despair and panic, anxiety and regret.
I had made my choice. It was too late now. I had promised myself to get an end of this.
Drenched in tears I raised the razor over my wrist.
Nobody likes you, her voice pounded. Everyone left you.
What was she up to at the moment?
Was there someone else who had taken my place?
The place that I used to fill and complete so well.
She had been an at least so important part of me as well. And then, left me to rest in pieces. That was just what I was going to do.
Was she thinking the same as I was dreaming?
Determined, I threw her out of my mind. For the last time.
I swallowed twelve pills of ritalin without any doubt.
Then had one last look at the razor. Tried to tell it how much I hated it. Then slit my wrists deep. This time, I did scream.
I roared out everything. I emptied myself. Drained the pressure.
But it was all too late.
The last I heard, was her voice calling out the message over and over again, fading out. Farewell, see you in hell, I hope you rest in pieces...
Jimmy died today
He blew his brains out into the bay
In the state of mind
In my own private suicide.
I had gone back to my belaying boredom phase again. What was there now to live for?
Nineteen and lost.
For how long had I spent my time here, in this cell? It was January. The first of January. 4 months and 13 days without her. Without anything to breath for. She had given me the right excuses to stay around her. To be there. Just an excuse to live.
I didn't care about wiping tears now. I let them run down my red cheeks.
The fire place infront of me crackled, you would probably call it cosy, but to me, it was just a memory killer.
One last look at the pictures. One last.
As biting my lip hard, I threw the bundle of photographs into the blazing fire.
I looked down at my bleeding wrist, with a helpless and indifferent glance.
I let the razor cut a small wound in my left arm. My voice wouldn't make a sound. Only my inside screamed. In despair and panic, anxiety and regret.
I had made my choice. It was too late now. I had promised myself to get an end of this.
Drenched in tears I raised the razor over my wrist.
Nobody likes you, her voice pounded. Everyone left you.
What was she up to at the moment?
Was there someone else who had taken my place?
The place that I used to fill and complete so well.
She had been an at least so important part of me as well. And then, left me to rest in pieces. That was just what I was going to do.
Was she thinking the same as I was dreaming?
Determined, I threw her out of my mind. For the last time.
I swallowed twelve pills of ritalin without any doubt.
Then had one last look at the razor. Tried to tell it how much I hated it. Then slit my wrists deep. This time, I did scream.
I roared out everything. I emptied myself. Drained the pressure.
But it was all too late.
The last I heard, was her voice calling out the message over and over again, fading out. Farewell, see you in hell, I hope you rest in pieces...
Jimmy died today
He blew his brains out into the bay
In the state of mind
In my own private suicide.
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