Yes, I am an addict. Thank you for asking.

That's right. I'm addicted to painkillers.

You don't know how hard it is to admit something like this to yourself, let alone to your friends, family, etc. I wish people would understand it. You can't make light of this subject. I've been brushed off with an array of excuses when I've gone seeking help. Or I'll get a simple "olol emo kid".

I developed this addiction as a means of coping with my depression and panic disorder. I've tried to quit a few times, but I keep relapsing. When I'm off it, I become more depressed, I get really shaky and paranoid, and I get a ton of headaches. When I give in to the urges, I take a larger dose than I quit on. I've become dependant on this drug as a way of keeping my other problems in check, and I'm just making more problems for myself in then end. Such a vicious circle.

I'm trying to get help though. I've admitted to myself that I have a problem, I'm lowering my dosages, I'm reading into the long term and short term consequences, and I'm trying to find something to fill the void that the drugs won't anymore. I just don't have enough willpower to quit completely.

Bottomline; It's a serious problem. I KNOW it's a problem. Don't make fun of me, point out contradictions, etc. if you really care about me. You're making things worse and it's counterproductive to my recovery. I know that it's fucking me up. You don't need to tell me.
Posted on May 24th, 2007 at 01:01am

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