Contemplation of Our Mortality.
Ok so it's been 4 months and exactly 6 days. My grandmother passed on Feb. 22nd and the experience literally ripped my heart out and stepped on it. The last day I saw her, I immediately started to cry. Being as incoherent as she was that day, she looked up at me with that confused look on her face. She just couldn't breathe so I didn't have her try to speak. The priest came into the hospital room with my family and I and he gave my grandmother her last rights. We all started to leave. I gave her a kiss and said, "I love you grandma" and she knew exactly what I was saying because she looked up at me and smiled. It wasn't even the beginning of a new day when my mom called my father and said, "...She died" It was 11:25 at night. As soon as my dad told me the news, it all hit me like a whirlpool and I absently blacked out. We drove to the hospital and stayed there until 1 or 2. I was so devastated beyond belief. I held her hand and kissed her forehead. "I love you grandma" were my last words. I recorded funeral songs with my cousins new recording system the night before the wake. I had three copies made and I played the C.D at the funeral. If I don't say so myself, the music was really nice and I will never regret it. My grandmother was always my biggest fan when it came to me singing or musically performing at any occasion. I was so happy that I accomplished the whole singing deal just for my grandmother. She even said she always wanted me to sing at her funeral. Like a ton of people who have experienced this say, death of a loved one really makes you contemplate of your own mortality. For me being 15 and maintaining a good composure through this has made me a stronger person. I now pray more than I ever did because I believe that praying makes my grandmother come back to life in full spirit and I will never stop it. I love you grandma, I know you can hear me. I hope to see you one day so I can fly with you forever.<33
I just needed to get this out, because it was bothering me. I always feel the need to be open with my sadness, usually people don't like that. I hope this isn't stupid for people to read.
I just needed to get this out, because it was bothering me. I always feel the need to be open with my sadness, usually people don't like that. I hope this isn't stupid for people to read.
:hug: Thanks guys for the comfort. And Ivana, you don't have to envy me. I am lucky to have had such a great grandmother such as her. I was glad I said I Love You, even though she knew it anyway.
But thank you three again. It really means a lot. <3
Deernt., May 27th, 2007 at 04:06:34pm
Oh, Liz, I envy you. You are able to give so much love and your grandma must have been very proud to have you. I honestly do believe she can hear you and she can see you. I think a lot of people would give everything to have said such beautiful last words to their loves one and you are very lucky.
worn-out astronaut., May 27th, 2007 at 03:54:53pm
Stupid? Speaking about a loved ones death is never stupid. You're very lucky though; You made your last words to her count and I'm sure she understood. Judging by the way you put it she loved you a lot. By singing or performing at her funeral you're being really kind because that's what she wanted. Sometimes deaths make somebody stronger and can make someone more dedicated. You'll meet her again someday, she'll always be in your heart no matter what.
It's ok to miss a loved one who has passed away. I don't blame you for it. =] *hugs*
threeam., May 27th, 2007 at 03:42:05pm
this is really touchin
*hugs*
I'm sure she's watching you and she's very proud of you.
<3
Love, May 27th, 2007 at 03:36:21pm