Depression and anxiety (just happens over and over agian)….

It happens in periods, I’ll be happy for 4 months and then be sad for the next 2 mounts then I’ll be happy for about 3 weeks and think it’s over but some chance of a thunderstorm or something will bring it back for another 3 months, then it will get into winter and I’ll be happy because of Christmas and no more thunderstorms and stuff. But then in late winter I get depressed again because of seasonal affective disorder and school re-starts, then I’ll get over it and be happy, but then spring comes and I get all scared of thunder again. Then it will happen all over again.

That’s about how it’s been sense I was 11 or something. Happy-sad-ok-happy-angry-nervous-sad-hyper, it just happens all over again, like long term mood swings. I have tried lots of things, eating to much, trying to fall asleep in the middle of the day, not going anywhere, not eating enough, going to much places, etc. some don’t work at all, some do work, but only short term. It just won’t stop, I always find some way to worry. Even when I was in the bay area, my favorite place in the world that I am obnoxiously obsessed with, I couldn’t sleep due to the fact that I was only there for four nights and I have to go back to Chicago and live there for another 6 years. It is just gonna happen all over again. I can barley make it though the night if there is a thunderstorm near us or I have some scary image in my head. I have no idea how I’m going to make it until I’m 18.

And then It won’t stop, “enjoy being a kid” I get it all the time, so now what? Will my life be worse? Will I be broke and homeless because I have A.D.H.D or because I have anxiety? Will I be considered stupid if I don’t get into Berkeley or because I don’t get 100% on every quiz? I don’t know maybe I am stupid, but if so everyone else is to, maybe I can’t memorize math facts but I understand social issues and different cultures. Will that ever matter? Or will it be “Jenna you can’t spell” or “you are really bad at division facts!” for the rest my life? Does it stop?

I know what you are thinking “uggh what is with these kids these days! They are so emo and whiney! All they ever do is bitch about there life’s!” well I got news, some kids are actually sad some kids don’t like being kids and having no freedoms, some kids would rather have a person who understands then nice shoes and a lot of money. “get help” but with who? I have tried but the therapists don’t understand, no medication is going to make my life better. So I’m just screwed for the rest of my life
Posted on August 4th, 2007 at 12:33am


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