I don't think she'll ever realize how much she means to me.

This is a blog about my sister. Since it will be slighty long, i'm going to put it in size 90 font. Enjoy reading this.

Hello there Chloe,

You're never going to read this, but last night I sat awake thinking about you, not intentionally, just randomly and realized how much you mean to me. Though it may not seem like it, I really do care for you. I worry about you every day, and it's just so painful to watch all the things you have to go through. I guess I should start by telling you why you mean so much to me.
I suppose our differences started the day you were born, because when I first saw you, I bit your finger and then tried to suffocate you with a pillow. Sorry about that, by the way, I was only three. Later on, I just grew to resent you more and more because we have totally opposite personalities. The only emotion you show is rage; I show all of mine in full blown color. We don't like the same music; I like rock, and you like teenie-bopper (if that's even a category). We don't even look the same; I have brown hair, and you have red hair. Some people even ask if we're adopted because we don't look a thing like each other. Because of all this, I think you've grown to think that I hate you. Well, I don't really, it's just hard to understand you.
I hope you know that I worry about you every day. The fact that you have a disease that makes you not be able to have a sense of self control and has you be almost 200 pounds even though you're only 11 is terrifying, not to mention that you also have diabetes. Type 2, thank God, but even that can turn into something really bad if you're not careful. That's why I hate it when you sneak food; it's not just because it's my special all-sugar-and-carbs food that's especially for me, it's because of the fact that it's like you're giving up and giving in to temptation, even though it's bad for you. If you do too much of that you could end up in a diabetic coma, or worse, dead. Remember when you first realized you had diabetes and you had to go to the hospital overnight for testing? I didn't think much of it until they made me stay at Liz's house instead of letting me come, because at Liz's house everyone was very serious and I realized just how serious this was. Yes I know all this must be very hard for you, not to mention the possibility that you might have a mental disorder on top of it, and i'm so very sorry. If there was anything I could do, I would, but all of this is in your control. It's painful to watch when someone denies you something, such as food, I can see how hard it is for you. I won't say that I know how you feel, since I truly don't. Being a vegetarian kind of puts it in perspective, but I truly can't say that I know how you feel or that I know what you're going through. I'm sorry.
We've had some good times too, though, haven't we? Remember in Florida when you pretended to be Paul McCartney and hopped around on a pool filter (even though Paul has never hopped around on a pool filter), and then I tried and fell over? How about when you were watching Camp Rock and I watched it along with you, even though I imitated the songs in a whiny voice, and did that stupid dance at the end? Have you ever noticed how i've memorized a lot of the Jonas Brothers songs, even though I sing them in an annoying voice? Or how you would come to my room at midnight just to talk to me, even though we were both tired and we had school the next day, and mom caught us nearly every time? I really do try to be nice to you, it's just hard because you have such a temper. I'm proud of you when you are in those karate competitions, or when you get 3's on your report card instead of the usual 1's or 2's. I admire you for all you go through, and I see that you look up to me. Yeah, i've noticed that you listen to some of the bands I like and watch the movies I watch. I may not be the best person in the world, but I really do try to be a good person for you, even though sometimes I snap and yell at you or something. I really do love you, though I might not always show it. I hope you know that.

Posted on August 18th, 2008 at 09:51am


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