Secrets

Wow, my first blog of 2009!

Lemme start this off with some stuff:

My computer's broken, so I gotta use the family computer. My half birthday is in two days. My parents think I'm in love with my best friend when, in reality, I'm hopelessly in love with an anime character who represents the country of Japan (don't ask... it's from Hetalia). My aunt found out over Christmas that I'm a yaoi fangirl. My stepmom took my money and everything out of my zombie survival kit "Until you learn to keep your room clean.. and there were matches in there!" Man, 2009 sucked. I do remember on the first day of 2009, I wrote on this very site that 2009 would suck. I was right.

But that's far beside the point of this blog. It's really just some stuff I had to point out.

Basically, I was talking to my best friend. He said that he wishes I'd tell him more of my secrets, or something like that. Yeah, I have trust issues, but it's really nothing to do with that. As far as I know, the only secret worth keeping is his birthday present (and my yaoi addiction, but he already knows that).

I've heard that people are defined by their secrets. Not I, my dears. No, I am defined more by my past than anything. He told me that I told him about my past, but not much about myself. There's really not much to tell besides that.

I'm a yaoi fangirl. I'm a bit of an otaku. I'm in love with the anime character talked about above. My middle name is Ann. I despise my mother and stepfather. I read fanficfs more than I read actual books. I call guys pretty. I'm a closet romantic. I'm manipulative and sadistic. I practice magic. I'm a grammar nazi. I'm obsessed with Harry Potter and hotly defend Slytherin as the best house out of the four of them. I'm bi. I adore elegance and things like that. Bad table manners piss me off to no end. Most of my family thinks I'm totally mental. I have trust issues. The third grade destroyed me. I was supposed to be held back in second grade for immaturity but I was too smart. I was supposed to skip fourth grade for intelligence but I was too immature. I'm kinda interested in tentacle hentai (the 'can't look away' kind of interested). I adore sunflowers and unicorns. Most abbreviations piss me off. I want to be a writer when I grow up. I've been told I look better as a boy.

Those are basically the most interesting/secret things about me. I'll leave it to you to pick out what's secret and what's not.

Not that interesting, right? That's because all the things that have made me who I am today are my past. The things that happened to me in elementary school, the things I've done and the things that have been done to me, my memories ands what I've forgotten... those are my most well-kept secrets. How I felt when it happened, how I feel now that I look back, what I wish I had or hadn't done, etc. That's who I am and who I was and who I will continue to be. My secrets don't have a hold on me, because I've really barely got any. No, it's not my secrets. It's my past.

My past is what I tell, my past is what I'm hung up on. And there are certain things that I just want to keep in my head. My worst nightmare, my best dream... My thoughts, actions, and past define me and that is what I tell those closest to me.

Maybe now you understand.
Posted on January 4th, 2010 at 04:41pm

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