Back When I Was A Jeffrey Lewis Song;

A month or so ago I found this song, Which was pretty much my life till this point.
Song: Back When I Was Four by Jeffrey Lewis

Back when I was 4 and I knew the name of every dinosaur
I knew how to read ROM comic books
My babysitter said I was really smart
When the lights went out everything changed
The radio music made me feel strange
And I had a real bad dream about a gorilla in the bathroom

Back when I was four, I knew most of them, I could read comics and My Pre-K teacher always said I was really smart. Now Music always made me feel strange, Because I knew about sex at a young age. Now My bad dream was about a gnome in a shed but It scared me so bad
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Back when I was 6 I took everything real serious
And I thought that every song that came on the radio
Was referring to strange sexual acts
Because they thought I wouldn't know the facts
And being small is hard and no one ever tells you how

Back when I was six, I always told my mom that the songs were talking about sex and she was a bad mommy for letting me hear them. Cause I didn't like that my mom thought I wouldn't know what 'come come my lady' meant. and I didn't but she didn't need to know that.
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And back when I was 8 I'd sit outside on an old milk crate
And look out at the world from the stoop across the street
The boomboxes and the hot concrete
And every Halloween they hung
A million rubber skeletons across ninth street.

This is nothing really. but It to me, sounds like a kid waiting a lot. which is what I did. I sat and waited for something to happen. and It never did happen by the way.
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Back when I was 12 or so I swear to god I never felt so low
Everyone but me was making out and eating cookies
I had more than my brain could stand
I threw my life in a garbage can
I felt so weird
I had to disappear
In crying suicide disease.

Back when I was 12, well all of this. I was so Depressed, dealing with all my childhood trauma. My mother cheating and nearly breaking up my family, my fathers overdose on sleep meds and obsessive drinking, and other more painful things. Every day, looking back, I can see darkness. The sky was dark and I was always in the dark in my room drinking [jeeze I was a winner] I stopped doing my work and because of that I would have to repeat the seventh grade. One day I had more than I could stand and I told people I was going to kill myself, they told on me and I was told I couldn't come back until I got help. It took two of the dramatic trying to kill myself talks, and getting kicked out twice as well, for my mom to get me help. I basically disappeared. Hell I came back to school and people thought I was dead. But then it got better. and I saw the sun.
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At 15 getting stoned felt good and it sent me back to childhood
And nothing ever mattered to me more than that.

Weed is nice, and nothing will ever make me change my mind. When I got high [haven't since I turned 16] I felt like a kiddo again. It was so amazing. And tell me this picture doesn't scream stoner.
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But then 16 became eclipse
My brain became apocalypse
I was lost and found and I've never been the same.

I haven't been sixteen more than 2 weeks. This song makes me so sad, because if all of that was true, [I mean the ages are right! come on] Whats to say something horrid wont happen to me? Oh me thats right. I'm trying to make that part not be true so bad.
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Posted on May 28th, 2010 at 08:04pm

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