Wow...It's Been Over A Year...

Well hey there GSB....it's been an entire year since I was here last. It's amazing to think of what's happened in this time. I've grown up alot. I would say the biggest thing in my life that's changed was the fact my boyfriend and I broke up. We were together for two years. I had fallen in Love with Brandon. Completly and whole heartedly. I did everything for him...I was always there for him. And all I can think now is that hindsight suck f*cking @$$ because I should have gotten out of the relationship waaaaay before it got to the point it did. Brandon broke up with me a week before final exams. He told me he didn't love me anymore....I was shattered... Especially when I found out that "Didn't love me anymore" translated into "Wanted to f*ck other people"
After exams I left for Cape Breton Nova Scotia for three weeks...it was good to get away. Brandon and I had some contact.... and the way he talked to me he made me believe that I had a chance getting back with him. And stupid me believed it. Well love makes you blind. When I came home Brandon and I hung out a couple times, as friends. And I was ok with that. I did not want to loose him as a friend. I didn't want to loose him out of my life. One Night I was out with a few girlfriend and Brandon text me..and told me how he had a new girlfriend. I cried.....well that's an understatement. I felt shattered...alone, scared, broken.... and that scared me. But I bucked up, and I told him that I could accept that. I still wanted to be friends. I S L O W L Y began to accept the idea of him being with another girl. And with that I began to date. I KNEW I wasn't ready for another relationship. I didn't want to rebound. But I started to see other people. I realized there were other guys who had interest in me. I saw some hope. I had fun, Ilaughed and I began to heal.
One day I had a friend at my house. His name is Kyle. We had met when I started working at my part time job, Brandon had had an issue with Kyle because Kyle had a thing for me. He would flirt at work and well....just bother Brandon. So My friend Joey walked past my house with Brandon and I went to say hi to the boys. And Kyle came out with me. And something in Brandon just.....switched. I found out he believed that I had Kyle there simply to piss him off. And ever since that day Brandon and I havn't talked. He;s begun to spiral downwards. Hes into drugs and isn't attending his classes. He was briefly kicked out of his house. He's told people that everytime he sees me he wants to make me feel like shit. It's just rediculous. So Brandon and I no longer talk, at all. And yesterday was his birthday.....
Well...Im sure some of you are wondering about that Kyle boy <3 Well. Kyle and I began to see eachother. He took me out to the movies. I introduced him to my girlfriends. Then I had a horseback riding competition at which Kyle met my brother and dad. After seeing eachother for roughly 3 weeks kyle and made it official. I didn't think it would happen...to be honest I didn't want it to. I was scared to rebound. But I didn't...I really care about Kyle. He makes me feel beautiful, special, unique....he's everything to me Brandon never was. It's alot to get used to. He would do anything for me. His goal is simply to make me smile. I love it, he makes me feel amazing. Even typing this I have a smile on my face. The best part is Kyle U N D E R S T A N D S. He knows that I was attached to Brandon, he gets that Im not ready for different things or I have my down days. But he knows thats who I am. I thoughts I wouldn't love for a long time. I felt like....my heart would always be broke....or at least have a few cracks.... and Kyle has shown me thats not true. He has picked me up and helped me pick up the pieces of my heart. Shown me that i C A N be happy and thats ok,...thats allowed. And more then that I am a healthier person mentally because of him and his support <3 <3 <3 well GSB I really really hope him and I work...but...because of what happened...Im gonna try not to dive into murky waters.
Ontop of that I am in grade 12. Last year of highschool. My university applications are due before Christmas. Loverly. My classes are crazy busy. So many assignment. Gah. I have an 82% average right now. Not bad if I may say so myself Very Happy Very Happy. But hey Im healthy, Im happy and I am H E R E. Nothing will bring me down like Brandon did. I refuse to let it. Im about to step into a part of my life I am so excited to reach. So watch out world cause here I f*cking come.
Lastly....my brother has recently brought his son into the world...well....he wife did.....but well you all know what I mean Razz Razz Razz
If I remember anything else I'll blog again. So hey GSB good to be back Very Happy
Posted on November 3rd, 2010 at 11:48am

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