Being an organ donor - a religious rant

So as of lately, I'm becoming really interested in religion.
I'm taking a class in Religion, and it's just so fascinating.

Idk, I think I'm doing it to maybe figure out if it's for me - y'know, this whole religion-thing.

I've thought of myself as an atheist, or maybe an agnostic to some extent, for at least three years.

Well, I figured the other day that since I'm now 18, I should get stuff sorted out for myself, y'know like talking to the bank, I've got my drivers license (which you aren't allowed until you're 18 ) and I've always said to myself that I'd be an organ donor. Because, if I'm dead, then why should I keep my organs when it could save other people? Right?

But as I was filling out the form, ticking the little box that said gave consent to remove all my organs, including skin, heart, and my corneas, I started to think about religion. I'm so torn at the moment. I think if I had to choose a religion, it'd probably be by the protestant persuasion. Y'know, Luther and stuff. Just because it's how society is, it's how I was raised (not by my parents, my parents made a conscious choice to not expose me and my sister to their religious and political views). It's the main church in this country.

But, I'm also thinking about 2012 and the concept of a Dooms Day, an apocalypse or whatever, mostly because of the floods around the world, birds supposedly dropping from the sky. And like, what if, just for a second, we think that people like Jehovah's Witnesses are right and we shouldn't take someone else's blood, or hearts or kidneys or corneas? What if there is a Paradise, what if there are all these rules that we should all follow because a man on a mountain got these tablets with 10 rules on them, and we should all follow them, because it's what God wants for us?
What if that's completely wrong though, and God is only trying to sort through the people God really wants? What if the true god is Allah? What if we should aim for not being reborn by reaching Nirvana? Is life suffering and death bliss?
What if there really is not god, and everyone who believes in a god is wasting their time by believing in a god that isn't true, that we only invented thousands and thousands, maybe even millions of years ago because we needed to explain why it rained or why the seasons changed or why it was wrong to kill another person?

As I said, I'm very torn about this, and I don't have the right answer. I don't even know what to believe. I've read about people who are religious who don't think of the word "believe" (in the context of their religion, anyway) as in agreeing that there is a god who can hear them when they pray or loves them. But more as in "trust" that their god loves them and hears their prayers. I don't think I can trust a deity, honestly. I don't think it fits me to surrender my hopes and thoughts to this... being or power that I don't think I've ever met.

Maybe I have met it though. My parents confirmed my faith when i was a baby, and I confirmed it again when I was 13. I was taken to a church in white clothes to signify purity, and a priest asked me if I forsake the Devil, and I said yes. He asked me if I believe in the father, the son and the holy spirit, and I said I did.

But I am so torn.
Posted on January 17th, 2011 at 07:10pm

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