Animal Crackers In My Apple Pie (A Who The Fuck Is Tre Cool Story), chapter 4
Leanna lived somewhere on this street with lots of lights. It's not a pretty place, once I saw a giraffe cross the street and didn't even watch for cars. That giraffe lived on the edge I gotta tell you.
I got out of my car and knocked on the door. Before she could open the door I let myself in, she's a clumsy person, she was behind the door rubbing her head like she hit it on something... or she was hung over. Then she kept talking about not opeing the door when she was right there and how she may have to go to the hospital. Like what the hell?
"Umm Leanna? Can I ask you something really really important?" She gave me a funny look then rolled her eyes.
"Sure whatever, come in." I walked into her house, it smells like vanilla. Mmm I want chocolate cake.. and marshmellows. "So what do you want to ask me?"
"Well I was wondering where a really nice place to eat is."
"Why?" God she asks to many questions.
"So I can take this girl out on a date, Carol." she sat on the couch and laughed. Why the hell is she laughing... I didn't say anything funny, In fact I am a very serious person I mean look at me! I scream sophistication! Heheh funny word.
"Oh so Tre Cool actually wants a relationship or is this just part of a big scheme for getting in her pants? I frankly feel sorry for this Carol person, she obviously doesn't know what she's getting into."
"Holy shit what's with the venom! I mean I know you can be grouchy but honestly this is just a bit too much, don't you think?" Why is she acting so mean! I didn't do anything wrong. If she doesn't have anything nice to say she should be tied to a post butt naked and spanked until her ass goes blue. That's what Billie and I always said.
"I'm sorry, it's just I've had a really busy day and I just want to go to sleep. Anyway but I heard that Black Dove Restaurant on the corner of Wellington and Furn Street was a nice place, it apparently has an opera house kind of vibe going on. I foyu want to check that out."
"Thanks Leanna, well must go check that place out so I can see the menu for tomorrow and look like I know what I'm talking about! Oh hey I know, why don't you come!"
"Tre I'm tired. And look at me?" Phppt she looks fine to me, well considering the fact that I've seen her when she's had a hangover. That's not a pretty sight believe me.
"Oh no you're not getting out of this one, come on the day is still young! We'll go shopping for really fancy clothing! We can try on stiletos!" She laughed, got up off the couch and ran upstairs.
"I'll be back in a minute."
Well in women time a minute really means ten minutes so it was kind of surprising when she came down stairs in exactly three minutes."You're late."
"Well I couldn't find any socks!" She threw her shoe at me from the door way."Now come on I need a new pair of jeans."
***
"Don't you have enough jeans? Couldn't you wear skirts for once? Hey those shorts look nice! What about that grey sweater it would look nice with that skirt over there, don't you think?"
"TRE!"
"What?"
"Would you stop with all the questions?!? I mean we just got in the store!"I only asked a few questions.
"Fine I won't talk to you any more." We walked our seperate ways for a bit but I mean there was no one to talk to. Oh look a hot chick over there, maybe Leanna won't mind if I leave for 20 minutes with that girl? I wonder if it is cheating even if I haven't gotten to the date with Carol yet? Well it won't hurt to just flirt with her I guess.
Me and this Lucy girl were having a wonderful conversation about these tight jeans she was wearing. She even let me feel her ass, what a skank! Then I saw Leanna out of the corner of my eye with a depressed look on her face. As much as I hated to leave this Lucy girl I was just compelled to see what was going on with Leanna so I reluctantly said good bye to Lucy and surprised Leanna by jumping on her back. I guess I shouldn't have used all my weight.
"Sorry."
"Ow Tre God damn it that hurt." I helped her off the ground.
"So why so glum chum?"
"Well, this store is ment for such skinny people and I can never find a size that fits me. I feel like such a cow." I looked her up and down. She doesn't look that fat, what the hell is she talking about? Even the smartest of owls wouldn't understand her.
"What size are you?"
"Three. They only have ones and twos and...zeros." What the hell? Who ever is a zero must be very delicate.. like a butterfly caught in a spiderweb... or even in the desert.. makes you think (I want a pet iguana).
"That's not fat!" I lifted up her shirt to around where her ribs are, of course I wouldn't pull her shirt up all the way I'm not crazy! Besides she would probably kick my ass if I ever did that! "See, you just have really wide hips!"
"Right well it still kind of sucks that there are no cloths that fit me right."
"Come along then we shall go to a store were there are really fancy dresses and fancy shoes for tonight, seeing as it's already five o'clock."
"That's not that late."
"Well I take a long time in figuring out what to wear." I led her outside and into this weird store with alot of dresses and dressy things for guys. Hmm I think I'll go for a casual look yet not too casual... I guess I should go check up on Leanna, honestly she is like a puppy always needs attention maybe I should play fetch with her one day.
She was in the dressing area trying on some clothes. So I went over and sat on the waiting chairs or whatever they are called. They were really comfy. Then suddenly I felt something awful in my lower intestine... I needed to fart. Well I couldn't exactly hold it in until we got outside in the parking lot so I let it out as quietly as I could..well it came out quietly but I must say it smelt like soemthing crawled up my ass and shit itself then died of the awful smell it let out from the shit. Good thing no one was there.
"Tre..what's that smell? What the hell did you do," I heard Leanna say from behind the curtain.
"I needed to fart leave me alone."
"TRE!"
"Oh please like you haven't farted in public before!"
"Whatever, can you get this in a bigger size? I don't think this one will fit." she threw soemthing over the curtain. What the hell am I, her personal servant? I picked up the dress and went out to get another size. I looked at the dress. It's fucking huge! Did she even look at it? She doesn't need a bigger size, I'll get her a smaller size muahaha! And if it doesn't fit I'll have a good laugh anyway, I win both ways..well actually I have no gain in it fitting her.
On my way to the rack thingy I saw a lovely suit for me. So I picked one out and a size smaller of that dress Leanna wanted and went to the dressing rooms. My pink shoes will look wonderful with this suit ehehe!
"Here." I passed her the dress and went to put on my own outfit. Ah a perfect fit, I love it. I think I'll get it. Wonder how Leanna is doing with her dress.
"Are you done?" I here from over the curtain, Damn she can get dressed fast! Grr.
"Yeah one minute." I stopped observing my ass in the mirror and went out. "Do these pants make my ass look big?" she looked thoughtfully at my ass.
"No it's fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, now how do I look? Does it make my ass look nice? And be honest." She's so self conscious it's not even funny.
"Nah your ass looks beautiful."
"Does it? I thought it look a bit saggy." What the hell?
"No it looks round and youthful! Like a babies bottom!" I danced around, she said something about a pedefile but pedefiles don't go to grown up stores so I have no idea what she's talking about.
We spent three more hours just goofing around and getting kicked out of various stores, I didn't know that Leanna could be so fun to hang out with! I was amazed when she gave the cop the finger and after he pulled her over for speeding and her having to flirt with him until he just let her off with a warning.
She has really good persausion skills, well she did have to coax Billie of the top of houses alot. Now I don't want you to get the wrong idea that he tried to jump and die or anything, he just got really drunk a few times at parties and tried to jump off the roofs into the pools below. It's bloody funny to watch! Like a turtle trying to get off it's back, although that's more cruel to watch. Poor turtle.
Anyway we got to the restuarant and all I have to say is, wow. It was really nice, the food was crap, I mean what restaurant in it's right mind doesn't serve pizza! Well I had a craving for pizza so after looking at the menu we decided we would just get pizza and crash at Billies tonight and watch some movies! Yeah slumber party!
I got out of my car and knocked on the door. Before she could open the door I let myself in, she's a clumsy person, she was behind the door rubbing her head like she hit it on something... or she was hung over. Then she kept talking about not opeing the door when she was right there and how she may have to go to the hospital. Like what the hell?
"Umm Leanna? Can I ask you something really really important?" She gave me a funny look then rolled her eyes.
"Sure whatever, come in." I walked into her house, it smells like vanilla. Mmm I want chocolate cake.. and marshmellows. "So what do you want to ask me?"
"Well I was wondering where a really nice place to eat is."
"Why?" God she asks to many questions.
"So I can take this girl out on a date, Carol." she sat on the couch and laughed. Why the hell is she laughing... I didn't say anything funny, In fact I am a very serious person I mean look at me! I scream sophistication! Heheh funny word.
"Oh so Tre Cool actually wants a relationship or is this just part of a big scheme for getting in her pants? I frankly feel sorry for this Carol person, she obviously doesn't know what she's getting into."
"Holy shit what's with the venom! I mean I know you can be grouchy but honestly this is just a bit too much, don't you think?" Why is she acting so mean! I didn't do anything wrong. If she doesn't have anything nice to say she should be tied to a post butt naked and spanked until her ass goes blue. That's what Billie and I always said.
"I'm sorry, it's just I've had a really busy day and I just want to go to sleep. Anyway but I heard that Black Dove Restaurant on the corner of Wellington and Furn Street was a nice place, it apparently has an opera house kind of vibe going on. I foyu want to check that out."
"Thanks Leanna, well must go check that place out so I can see the menu for tomorrow and look like I know what I'm talking about! Oh hey I know, why don't you come!"
"Tre I'm tired. And look at me?" Phppt she looks fine to me, well considering the fact that I've seen her when she's had a hangover. That's not a pretty sight believe me.
"Oh no you're not getting out of this one, come on the day is still young! We'll go shopping for really fancy clothing! We can try on stiletos!" She laughed, got up off the couch and ran upstairs.
"I'll be back in a minute."
Well in women time a minute really means ten minutes so it was kind of surprising when she came down stairs in exactly three minutes."You're late."
"Well I couldn't find any socks!" She threw her shoe at me from the door way."Now come on I need a new pair of jeans."
***
"Don't you have enough jeans? Couldn't you wear skirts for once? Hey those shorts look nice! What about that grey sweater it would look nice with that skirt over there, don't you think?"
"TRE!"
"What?"
"Would you stop with all the questions?!? I mean we just got in the store!"I only asked a few questions.
"Fine I won't talk to you any more." We walked our seperate ways for a bit but I mean there was no one to talk to. Oh look a hot chick over there, maybe Leanna won't mind if I leave for 20 minutes with that girl? I wonder if it is cheating even if I haven't gotten to the date with Carol yet? Well it won't hurt to just flirt with her I guess.
Me and this Lucy girl were having a wonderful conversation about these tight jeans she was wearing. She even let me feel her ass, what a skank! Then I saw Leanna out of the corner of my eye with a depressed look on her face. As much as I hated to leave this Lucy girl I was just compelled to see what was going on with Leanna so I reluctantly said good bye to Lucy and surprised Leanna by jumping on her back. I guess I shouldn't have used all my weight.
"Sorry."
"Ow Tre God damn it that hurt." I helped her off the ground.
"So why so glum chum?"
"Well, this store is ment for such skinny people and I can never find a size that fits me. I feel like such a cow." I looked her up and down. She doesn't look that fat, what the hell is she talking about? Even the smartest of owls wouldn't understand her.
"What size are you?"
"Three. They only have ones and twos and...zeros." What the hell? Who ever is a zero must be very delicate.. like a butterfly caught in a spiderweb... or even in the desert.. makes you think (I want a pet iguana).
"That's not fat!" I lifted up her shirt to around where her ribs are, of course I wouldn't pull her shirt up all the way I'm not crazy! Besides she would probably kick my ass if I ever did that! "See, you just have really wide hips!"
"Right well it still kind of sucks that there are no cloths that fit me right."
"Come along then we shall go to a store were there are really fancy dresses and fancy shoes for tonight, seeing as it's already five o'clock."
"That's not that late."
"Well I take a long time in figuring out what to wear." I led her outside and into this weird store with alot of dresses and dressy things for guys. Hmm I think I'll go for a casual look yet not too casual... I guess I should go check up on Leanna, honestly she is like a puppy always needs attention maybe I should play fetch with her one day.
She was in the dressing area trying on some clothes. So I went over and sat on the waiting chairs or whatever they are called. They were really comfy. Then suddenly I felt something awful in my lower intestine... I needed to fart. Well I couldn't exactly hold it in until we got outside in the parking lot so I let it out as quietly as I could..well it came out quietly but I must say it smelt like soemthing crawled up my ass and shit itself then died of the awful smell it let out from the shit. Good thing no one was there.
"Tre..what's that smell? What the hell did you do," I heard Leanna say from behind the curtain.
"I needed to fart leave me alone."
"TRE!"
"Oh please like you haven't farted in public before!"
"Whatever, can you get this in a bigger size? I don't think this one will fit." she threw soemthing over the curtain. What the hell am I, her personal servant? I picked up the dress and went out to get another size. I looked at the dress. It's fucking huge! Did she even look at it? She doesn't need a bigger size, I'll get her a smaller size muahaha! And if it doesn't fit I'll have a good laugh anyway, I win both ways..well actually I have no gain in it fitting her.
On my way to the rack thingy I saw a lovely suit for me. So I picked one out and a size smaller of that dress Leanna wanted and went to the dressing rooms. My pink shoes will look wonderful with this suit ehehe!
"Here." I passed her the dress and went to put on my own outfit. Ah a perfect fit, I love it. I think I'll get it. Wonder how Leanna is doing with her dress.
"Are you done?" I here from over the curtain, Damn she can get dressed fast! Grr.
"Yeah one minute." I stopped observing my ass in the mirror and went out. "Do these pants make my ass look big?" she looked thoughtfully at my ass.
"No it's fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, now how do I look? Does it make my ass look nice? And be honest." She's so self conscious it's not even funny.
"Nah your ass looks beautiful."
"Does it? I thought it look a bit saggy." What the hell?
"No it looks round and youthful! Like a babies bottom!" I danced around, she said something about a pedefile but pedefiles don't go to grown up stores so I have no idea what she's talking about.
We spent three more hours just goofing around and getting kicked out of various stores, I didn't know that Leanna could be so fun to hang out with! I was amazed when she gave the cop the finger and after he pulled her over for speeding and her having to flirt with him until he just let her off with a warning.
She has really good persausion skills, well she did have to coax Billie of the top of houses alot. Now I don't want you to get the wrong idea that he tried to jump and die or anything, he just got really drunk a few times at parties and tried to jump off the roofs into the pools below. It's bloody funny to watch! Like a turtle trying to get off it's back, although that's more cruel to watch. Poor turtle.
Anyway we got to the restuarant and all I have to say is, wow. It was really nice, the food was crap, I mean what restaurant in it's right mind doesn't serve pizza! Well I had a craving for pizza so after looking at the menu we decided we would just get pizza and crash at Billies tonight and watch some movies! Yeah slumber party!
