Animal Crackers In My Apple Pie (A Who The Fuck Is Tre Cool Story), chapter 6
Well, I got tired of my house so I decided I would stay the night at Billie's.. Maybe even a week, that is if he doesn't kick me out again. Stupid Billie.
Anywho so I packed my bags... Five bags to be exact, well I didn't know what to bring becasue you never know what clothes I will need for an occassion, say I went swimming I would need a nice neon orange outfit for the morning and if I wanted a night swim I would use my black outfit. Romantic I know. But that's just one thing, what if there is a party, I would need a outfit for a house party where underaged girls are throwing themselves at you. Then there is the whole suit and gown parties where old women with botox and fake boobs throw themselves at you.
I walked out of my door and went to my car. But in the drive way I saw no car... What the hell happened to it? Ah I left it at that parking lot at the restaurant... How did I get home?!? Do I even have a license?!? I need Tylonal! Badly!
I guess I could just walk to Billie's although in a car it is a half an hour drive.. Well ten minutes if I'm driving, Mike says I speed... Why would he think that!? He is off his rocker if you know what I mean.
My feet are killing me.. And I think I took a wrong turn. I never saw that fire hydrant before, and believe me I have peed on every hydrant on the way to Biliie and Mike's house... Actually if you think about it I've pissed on fire hydrants all across the world, and cactusses!
Well I guess this gives me time to think, but what about? I mean there is nothing wrong with me... Today.
Unless you count the nagging feeling that my life has suddenly became incomplete. What the hell. Since when have I thought about me being incomplete... God this has been a fucked up week. I need beer!
I can't believe I have only drunken (I drunken is that even a word? My friends say when I get really drunk I start talking back wards or something.. I forget.. I think I was drunk when they told me.. ) one and a half cases of beer this week.. I mean what is wrong with me?!? I must be sick!
I had to hitch hick the rest of the way to Billie's house, aperently I walked out of town hehehe. Well it's hard to read signs. And the trucker dude that picked me up was eyeing me funny. I didn't like it at all.
This week has been absolutely horrible and it's not even.. Wait what day is it. Oh well, first that girl I tried to go out with was absolutely grotesque (I am a genious I know) secondly Leanna is still a bit mad at me for almost killing her, I didn't mean to! And third... I don't know but there are lot's of other reasons, like not getting laid for a week!
I had to catch a taxi to Mike's house cause Billie and Adie were out somewhere and I forgot the extra key to there house.. Somewhere.
Mike was cool with me staying at his place, as long as I didn't go in his room at night. I did that once, his place can be scary sometimes! There was this girl in the kitchen though and she kind of stared at me like I was mental, fuck her.
"Oh Tre this is my girlfriend-" No... How can I stay at his place now.. She probably will want him to go to "bed" early instead of watching weird movies like The Matrix... I swear my pet chinchilla can do that one move Neo or what ever did in that movie.. It was awesome!
"Oh... Well nice meeting you..." I don't think I got her name" Uh... Anyway got to go bye." I ran out the door and headed to my own house. But of course I want a coffee or two to get me ready for the long walk home, yes this time I will walk.
How come Mike can get a girlfriend but I can't? It's not fair. I really want cotton candy, it makes me smile.. And hit people over the head... With a cereal box. Oh yes I am bad. Like 007 dickhead kind of bad muahaha.
Anyway I went to the nearest coffee shop, Bought a coffee and sat down. The coffee was pretty bad actually. But a pretty little blonde came and sat in the seat infront of me. We started talking and we ended up in her appartment fucking like a jackhammer (You know the electrical thing that builder people use) to concrete.
Her bed is really comfy, and she has a really nice tan. Maybe I should ask her out to dinner... Oh no I know I'll make her breakfast. Me and this girl, well actually Rachel is her name, really hit it off last night at the coffee shop. I know she would love to date me oh yeah. I mean who wouldn't?
How do you make eggs? What the hell, organic food? Is she some kind of earth lover or some bull shit like that? Oh well
In the end I made a lovely breakfast. She said it was delicious, I thought so too hehehe. And we agreed to meet up tommorow night aswell. Ohh who shall I take shoping this time? Leanna already had the pleasure of coming with me... Who next? Mike... Yeah I'll ask him.
I litteraly had to drag Mike out of his house and into my car, after I went and got it obviously. He said he didn't want to go but I don't care he's still coming. Maybe I could buy a big stuffed bear to go with my collection of fuzzy animals?!? I keep the collection beside my chinnchila cage. Burt likes to watch them.
"Mike what do you think? Is it to flashy?" He isn't paying any attention to me! I need attention or I go insane! Ugh! "Mikey... Mikey." I whine hehe he loves it I know he does.
'What?"
"How does this look?"
"Are you going for a buissness meeting look?" What kind of a question is that?
"No."
"Then I would get the one over there." OOOOHHH! It's perfect. The buttons are even nice, I don't really know how to describe the suit. Nore am I good at describing things. So I won't.
Mike tried on a few pairs of pants, but none of them fit him... He's just so damn skinny. Why does he walk everyday?!
I'm a pinyota.. Or what ever. The thing that kids beat with sticks at parties... I haven't figured out why though... I shall ask a child!
"Mike how do you spell pinyota?"
"I don't know." Ugh was he ever a child?!? Honestly! I'm going home I feel like I'm upset again for no reason. Why am I being so moody. I shall get a manicure.
AHHH! I am in the spa right now, and god does this feel nice. The women here are beautiful too. My feet feel like soft kittens... But without the fur.. I guess... So it would be more like hairless cats... They are scary.. And wrinkly.
This chair is gettog offly uncomfortable, and I just wanna start jumping around (Like a camel.. Or on a bulls back... Kinky). Maybe I should call one of my friends or something... Oh no I know I'll go to a bar. But I can't get drunk before I go on a date! Mabye after. Or would I be fucking.. Ugh what's her name? Oh god let me see... Brianna? Chelsey? Rabbecca... RACHEL! Well anyway I guess I can see what happens... How long until I have to meet her anyway?
Ah! I'm gonna be late! I went to the bar for a couple drinks anyway, you know to loosen up before I go on the date. But now it's already ten minutes to 7 which is when I'm suposed to meet her! Oh wait... I'm meeting her tommorrow... Well I guess I can have a few more beers and head home.. Or crash at someone elses house... I'll see where my drunken legs dance me too hehehe.
Well my feet took me to this old mans house with one eye and broken teeth... Scary. He invited me in for some cookies and tea in his basement but before I could say yes (He was a nice guy! ) but Billie came out and lead me into his house... Why the hell did my feet want to dance there I will never know.
"Billie are you on coke, your eyes are blood shot and you are really pale. Do you want me to take you to the doctors?" I asked when we got into the house. He really did look like he's been doing drugs.
"Not today Tre. Listen something really bad happened." Ugh not more depressing news, I hate Billie right now.
"Oh what's the matter?" Just to be nice I asked what was wrong.. Not that I care really. It's probably just Adreinne 'accidentaly' kneeing him in the nuts again. She says it was an accident, but you could tell. I mean he was being a dick that day I don't blame her at all.
"Burnie is in the hospital. He fell of a builboard when he took soem weird kind of pill. Leanna is in the hospital and so is Mike." Oh My God! That lucky bastard get's to use an i. V.! Wait.. Oh no he's in the hospital. But still I want an I. V!
"Can I go see him?" I ask.
"You loser of course we are going come on, everyone is already there.. Adrienne had to drop of the kids at their aunts but she should be there by now." Blah blah blah... Does he ever shut up? We rush out in the car and to the hospital. I am so scared I think I tinkled a little in my pants!
Anywho so I packed my bags... Five bags to be exact, well I didn't know what to bring becasue you never know what clothes I will need for an occassion, say I went swimming I would need a nice neon orange outfit for the morning and if I wanted a night swim I would use my black outfit. Romantic I know. But that's just one thing, what if there is a party, I would need a outfit for a house party where underaged girls are throwing themselves at you. Then there is the whole suit and gown parties where old women with botox and fake boobs throw themselves at you.
I walked out of my door and went to my car. But in the drive way I saw no car... What the hell happened to it? Ah I left it at that parking lot at the restaurant... How did I get home?!? Do I even have a license?!? I need Tylonal! Badly!
I guess I could just walk to Billie's although in a car it is a half an hour drive.. Well ten minutes if I'm driving, Mike says I speed... Why would he think that!? He is off his rocker if you know what I mean.
My feet are killing me.. And I think I took a wrong turn. I never saw that fire hydrant before, and believe me I have peed on every hydrant on the way to Biliie and Mike's house... Actually if you think about it I've pissed on fire hydrants all across the world, and cactusses!
Well I guess this gives me time to think, but what about? I mean there is nothing wrong with me... Today.
Unless you count the nagging feeling that my life has suddenly became incomplete. What the hell. Since when have I thought about me being incomplete... God this has been a fucked up week. I need beer!
I can't believe I have only drunken (I drunken is that even a word? My friends say when I get really drunk I start talking back wards or something.. I forget.. I think I was drunk when they told me.. ) one and a half cases of beer this week.. I mean what is wrong with me?!? I must be sick!
I had to hitch hick the rest of the way to Billie's house, aperently I walked out of town hehehe. Well it's hard to read signs. And the trucker dude that picked me up was eyeing me funny. I didn't like it at all.
This week has been absolutely horrible and it's not even.. Wait what day is it. Oh well, first that girl I tried to go out with was absolutely grotesque (I am a genious I know) secondly Leanna is still a bit mad at me for almost killing her, I didn't mean to! And third... I don't know but there are lot's of other reasons, like not getting laid for a week!
I had to catch a taxi to Mike's house cause Billie and Adie were out somewhere and I forgot the extra key to there house.. Somewhere.
Mike was cool with me staying at his place, as long as I didn't go in his room at night. I did that once, his place can be scary sometimes! There was this girl in the kitchen though and she kind of stared at me like I was mental, fuck her.
"Oh Tre this is my girlfriend-" No... How can I stay at his place now.. She probably will want him to go to "bed" early instead of watching weird movies like The Matrix... I swear my pet chinchilla can do that one move Neo or what ever did in that movie.. It was awesome!
"Oh... Well nice meeting you..." I don't think I got her name" Uh... Anyway got to go bye." I ran out the door and headed to my own house. But of course I want a coffee or two to get me ready for the long walk home, yes this time I will walk.
How come Mike can get a girlfriend but I can't? It's not fair. I really want cotton candy, it makes me smile.. And hit people over the head... With a cereal box. Oh yes I am bad. Like 007 dickhead kind of bad muahaha.
Anyway I went to the nearest coffee shop, Bought a coffee and sat down. The coffee was pretty bad actually. But a pretty little blonde came and sat in the seat infront of me. We started talking and we ended up in her appartment fucking like a jackhammer (You know the electrical thing that builder people use) to concrete.
Her bed is really comfy, and she has a really nice tan. Maybe I should ask her out to dinner... Oh no I know I'll make her breakfast. Me and this girl, well actually Rachel is her name, really hit it off last night at the coffee shop. I know she would love to date me oh yeah. I mean who wouldn't?
How do you make eggs? What the hell, organic food? Is she some kind of earth lover or some bull shit like that? Oh well
In the end I made a lovely breakfast. She said it was delicious, I thought so too hehehe. And we agreed to meet up tommorow night aswell. Ohh who shall I take shoping this time? Leanna already had the pleasure of coming with me... Who next? Mike... Yeah I'll ask him.
I litteraly had to drag Mike out of his house and into my car, after I went and got it obviously. He said he didn't want to go but I don't care he's still coming. Maybe I could buy a big stuffed bear to go with my collection of fuzzy animals?!? I keep the collection beside my chinnchila cage. Burt likes to watch them.
"Mike what do you think? Is it to flashy?" He isn't paying any attention to me! I need attention or I go insane! Ugh! "Mikey... Mikey." I whine hehe he loves it I know he does.
'What?"
"How does this look?"
"Are you going for a buissness meeting look?" What kind of a question is that?
"No."
"Then I would get the one over there." OOOOHHH! It's perfect. The buttons are even nice, I don't really know how to describe the suit. Nore am I good at describing things. So I won't.
Mike tried on a few pairs of pants, but none of them fit him... He's just so damn skinny. Why does he walk everyday?!
I'm a pinyota.. Or what ever. The thing that kids beat with sticks at parties... I haven't figured out why though... I shall ask a child!
"Mike how do you spell pinyota?"
"I don't know." Ugh was he ever a child?!? Honestly! I'm going home I feel like I'm upset again for no reason. Why am I being so moody. I shall get a manicure.
AHHH! I am in the spa right now, and god does this feel nice. The women here are beautiful too. My feet feel like soft kittens... But without the fur.. I guess... So it would be more like hairless cats... They are scary.. And wrinkly.
This chair is gettog offly uncomfortable, and I just wanna start jumping around (Like a camel.. Or on a bulls back... Kinky). Maybe I should call one of my friends or something... Oh no I know I'll go to a bar. But I can't get drunk before I go on a date! Mabye after. Or would I be fucking.. Ugh what's her name? Oh god let me see... Brianna? Chelsey? Rabbecca... RACHEL! Well anyway I guess I can see what happens... How long until I have to meet her anyway?
Ah! I'm gonna be late! I went to the bar for a couple drinks anyway, you know to loosen up before I go on the date. But now it's already ten minutes to 7 which is when I'm suposed to meet her! Oh wait... I'm meeting her tommorrow... Well I guess I can have a few more beers and head home.. Or crash at someone elses house... I'll see where my drunken legs dance me too hehehe.
Well my feet took me to this old mans house with one eye and broken teeth... Scary. He invited me in for some cookies and tea in his basement but before I could say yes (He was a nice guy! ) but Billie came out and lead me into his house... Why the hell did my feet want to dance there I will never know.
"Billie are you on coke, your eyes are blood shot and you are really pale. Do you want me to take you to the doctors?" I asked when we got into the house. He really did look like he's been doing drugs.
"Not today Tre. Listen something really bad happened." Ugh not more depressing news, I hate Billie right now.
"Oh what's the matter?" Just to be nice I asked what was wrong.. Not that I care really. It's probably just Adreinne 'accidentaly' kneeing him in the nuts again. She says it was an accident, but you could tell. I mean he was being a dick that day I don't blame her at all.
"Burnie is in the hospital. He fell of a builboard when he took soem weird kind of pill. Leanna is in the hospital and so is Mike." Oh My God! That lucky bastard get's to use an i. V.! Wait.. Oh no he's in the hospital. But still I want an I. V!
"Can I go see him?" I ask.
"You loser of course we are going come on, everyone is already there.. Adrienne had to drop of the kids at their aunts but she should be there by now." Blah blah blah... Does he ever shut up? We rush out in the car and to the hospital. I am so scared I think I tinkled a little in my pants!
