Doctor S, manager of The Network band

We decided that we'd widen our interview criteria on this this one so we interviewd the manager of a completely different band.. Reason? This 'completely different band' just happed to be the focus of a lot of attention. a) they were on Billie Joe's label and b) they were rumoured to contain the members of Green Day. Is it them? That's for you to decide.

How are you feeling?
I am feeling good thank you very much. The Network master plan is going as planned. As we speak kids are burning their parents Limp Bizkit recors as we speak. And the Church Of Lushotlogy is getting more members.
How/where did you meet the band?
I first met the band when I was travel abroad and saw this amazing band opening a nuclear power plant in prague. I am not sure if it was the nuclear posioning or their talent that made me want to bring them to the states, but I am so glad I did.
When there is an argument going on in the band, who is the one who is most likely to settle things down?
It is me with my giant cattle prod. Or as the boys like to call it my cock.
Who is the most likely to start them?
Van Gough. He is the trouble maker. But he is so cute I have to forgive him.
Does any member of the band collect anything?
They collect Liza Minnelli bootlegs and human hair
Who would win in a fight between Spiderman and the Hulk?
Liza Minnelli. She is a scrapper that gives scalp tenderness.
Have you ever caught any members of the band in the middle of "right hand-a-rama"?
No they are all left handed, and rather hump a pillow.
Which member of the band has the highest chance of being consumed by sexually transmitted disease?
I had their genitalia surgically removed so they can foucs on the music and not poon.
How often do you go for a night out with the band?
I go out with them every night. They can never be trusted on their own. Even though they have not genitalia they can leave snail track from here to Manchester!
Whats the weirdest night out you can remember having with the band?
The night we partied with jethro tull. That flute just is not for mouths anymore!
Which member of the band is the most likely to survive the longest in the jungle?
None of them. We detest nature and apllaude conctrea and aspalt!
Right.... I'm sure people want to know.... Are you, or are you not assosiated with Green any way?
We are signed to her Armstrongs label. And that is it. We may open for them on their upcoming tour.
In your opinion, who is the better musician... Fink or Billie Joe Armstrong?
Both talented, both hot, both in love with me.
If someone threw The Snoo and Captain Underpants out of an airplane and you only had time to save one of them, who would you save and why?
Neither they are so replaceable.
If you were going to be locked in a room for the rest of your life and you could choose one of the band members to keep you company, who would you pick and why?
I would rather chose a mirror to gaze at my hot reflection.
If you had to sacrafice either art or disease, which one would you pick and why?
They are the same. Art and disease. Now if you asked me to choose between Smurfs and Alf that would be a whole diffrent story!
It's the biggest gig of The Network's life and Fink needs to take a piss really badly and they are due to go on stage. Should he piss all over the crowd and hope they love it or tell him to piss his pants and have everyone notice?
Fink never urinates. Only poos.
It's the same gig and Z breaks the finger he uses to play keyboard. Would you tell him to use another finger and risk him making mistakes all night or sticky-tape a pencil to his broken finger and have him playing perfectly but screaming in pain all night?
I love the soud of Z's screams. It makes me giggle.
Would you ever concider selling you soul to the devil?
Please, Lushotlogist do not believe in the devil or cockroaches.. Leave that to the scientlogist and catholocs.

I say a word or phrase and you have to say the 1st thing that comes into your head...

Van Gough

The Snoo
Firm ass
Captain Underpants
Needs a vowel
Green Day
Second greatest band ever

True or false...

Happiness is a dry fart.
Not I love a shart
Bears bite back.
Premature ejaculation is bad ejaculation.
No comment
Bacon is better than salami.
A lumpy bed is a fate worse than hell.
Green Day are better than The Network

Annnnnnd thats your lot. Thanks again for giving up some of your time to do this daft interview. We really apprechiate it. See ya.

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