Heeeeeeere's Jonny!

My name is Jonathan Edward Tunnock. This means that my initials spell JET, which is also the name of an Australian rock band that had one good album and one shite album. My dad listens to them and thinks this makes him hip.

My brown eyes have 20/20 vision, kind of like Superman, and my hair is the colour that I think is known as mouse.

I was born on the 25th of May 1982. Yes, 1982. That’s before camera phones. I weighed over 8lbs, which means I looked a bit like a basketball with hands and feet so my mother complained about me a lot and then didn’t stop for 27 years.

I grew up on the hard streets of Belfast (Northern Ireland, UK, Europe) so I'm clearly hard as and if I got into a fight with Loz - who's phalanges are known to flame - I'm not sure who would win. I have a sister and a brother. My sister has blond hair and listens to Lily Allen, my brother looks a bit like Gary Lineker and drinks Carling.

On 10th January, 2001, my nephew Benjamin was born. When I first held him in my arms, he screamed like a little bitch and I wanted to give him back to my sister immediately. Now he's 8, he's much easier to deal with because he doesn’t cry or shit himself. The first time we played RockBand together was so emotional I struggled to focus on the TV through my tears. I think that children are a gift from God and so are XBoxes.

At the tender age of 18, I left Belfast and went to Newcastle (England, UK, Europe) to study medicine for a really silly amount of time. This meant reading lots of really tedious books, getting hammered on weeknights and prancing around hospitals pretending to be a doctor. Then I passed and realised that I actually wasn’t supposed to be pretending anymore so I went to New Zealand to treat gifts from God who had fallen out of trees or got ill. I would like to heal the world.

I am now living with my partner in a house with a blue front door. He is also a boy, which is all very 21st century. We also live with a Japanese girl that only speaks about ten words in English (one of which is ‘wank’- I’m not sure where she learned this...) and an Australian girl who likes to walk around the house in her underwear.

I like to listen to Green Day (OBVIOUSLY!!!) and I have seen them a massive ONE TIME. During the show, Billie Joe looked at me with 'come to bed' eyes and clearly found it difficult to concentrate on playing his guitar with me in the front row looking so hot. If you want any more information about all the hot sex we had afterwards, please feel free to PM me.

Thank you for reading and g'day.

J Dog.