a-dawg.
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 7070 | November 11th, 2006 at 01:44pm Transcript for JB's appearance on JR:
Note: The word "fuck" was actually bleeped out. Also, I’m a Canadian so if I get spelling of proper names wrong, that's why, and feel free to correct me. As well, a few small details here and there are not totally verbatim, I added a word here and there for grammatical correctness and left out some repetitions.
Jonathan Ross: Shall we see who is in my green room this evening for your viewing pleasure? Why don't we. My first guest is the star of the BBC's new sexy sci-fi hit Torchwood, it's John Barrowman, ladies and gentlemen! John Barrowman. Good evening John!
John Barrowman: Evening!
Ross: Looking every inch the idol that you are.
JB: And there's a lot of inches to look at.
Ross: Yes, we've heard that one before [more, indistinct]. Now...
[laughter]
Ross: should we get my first guest out?
Audience: Yeeesss!
Ross: Before we do, let's see him in action in the cracking new series, Torchwood.
[Clip from Cyberwoman]
Lisa: the power will run out. I can wait.
Ianto: Jack, help her! Give her a chance to surrender!
Owen: You’ve not seen what she’s done.
Ianto: Let her stay in the cells! We can help reverse the process!
Jack: I’ve told you, we’re past that! Hold him back!
Gwen: What are you gonna do?
Jack: Don’t ask questions, just get him on there and hold him!
Gwen: What is that stuff?
Jack: Kind of barbecue sauce. It helps it identify its food.
Gwen: Helps what identify it's food??
Jack: I'm sorry.
[Gate opening sounds. Pterodactyl screeches]
Jack: C'mon Tosh, hurry up.
[Pterodactyl vs Lisa]
Ianto [rough screaming]: let me down, lemme help her!
Tosh: Yes!
Jack: Hold him still!
Ianto: No!
[End clip]
Ross: Come on. Come on, a sexy lady robot punching a pterodactyl while Captain Jack goes up the lift? That's what you want. Here he is, it's John Barrowman, ladies and gentlemen!
[John comes on stage]
[applause]
Singers: I lost my heart to a starship trooper, flashing lights in hyperspace, I lost my heart to a starship trooper, aaaah-aaah!
Ross: John Barrowman.
JB: Thank you, guys.
Ross: How exciting to have you here.
JB: I mean, this is like, this is when you've made it, you come on the Ross show.
Ross: Well, we'll see how well you do before we decide. [laughing] How great to have you, because I love you as Captain Jack, I loved you in Doctor Who, me and the family sat and watched you, now you've got the spinoff series, we’re lovin' that as well.
JB: Yeah.
Ross: It's terrific stuff. Are you enjoying John in Torchwood ladies and gentlemen?
Audience: [shrieks and cheers} Yeah!
Ross: It's a great show. For those who might not be aware necessarily, because not everyone's seen it yet, how are we describing it, he’s kind of a time”well, what is he?
JB: Well, Captain Jack, he's not a Time Lord, he’s a Time Agent who has gone rogue and, uh, has traveled through time to help himself find out some years of his life that have been missing. So he's doing anything he possibly can. And when you first meet him in Doctor Who, he's a con man so he's not a very likeable guy. Over the course of the first series of Doctor Who, towards the end of it, he changes and becomes more likeable. And in a sense that's what happened with the audience. The audience didn't like him at first.
Ross: Well when he first appear, I was a bit, I didn't want to see--you just wanted to see the Doctor and Rose, and suddenly this fellow came in and he was larging it all over and you think 'get out of here, we want to see Doctor Who,' but then you grow to like him.
JB: For some reason the British public took to him and you know, great, as it may be, because it just led to more things and it was fantastic.
Ross: The character Captain Jack, he's quite unusual in science fiction in that, and you know, especially on British TV because it's quite a grown-up show.
JB: Yes.
Ross: Torchwood, isn't it.
JB: Yes, yes.
Ross: They hinted at Jack's... let’s face it he’s kind of an open sexuality.
JB: He's”if you need a label, you'll say bisexual, but if you want to use the science fiction terms he’s 'omnisexual.'
Ross: Omnisexual.
JB: Yeah, he'll kind of, um, I dunno, I'm gonna say it anyway, you can bleep it out, but he'll... go with anything with a hole.
[Audience laughter]
Ross: He's kind of like [more laughter] he's like a time-traveling Wayne Rooney [sp?].
[Laughing]
[gorilla in green room perks up, starts playing the breast area of the costume]
Ross: Watch out, Bollo's interested.
[much laughter]
JB: Actually, that's quite turning me on. [laughing]
Ross: You know what, I might have some of that action.
JB: It’s quite sexy isn't it? Yeah. Get the Planet Earth cameraman and we'll both have a go.
Ross: They’re quite pliant eh? Bollo's interested. Uh, do you think, joking aside, could you fuck a monkey?
[Laughter.]
Ross: Seriously, seriously, alright let me ask you this. No, seriously, if you were trapped on an island, just you and quite a sexy monkey,
JB: [laughing] Yeah
Ross: and maybe the only other thing you had was like, a razor and some shaving cream.
JB: Yeah?
Ross: Would you make love with a lady monkey”or even a gentleman monkey?
JB: You know what, I think if, [laughs], if you’re hard and horny enough I think you'd do it. I really think you would.
Ross: I apologize if you've already heard this question on Parky.
[Much laughing, Ross indistinct]
JB: Some would say I fucked a few gorillas in my time. [off Ross's look] Scuse me. [laughs]
[laughter]
Ross: I don't think you need to ask them forgiveness. [laughter] I think Bolo's the one you’ve upset!
[Gorilla shakes its head]
JB: I think he was quite interested... no...
Ross: no, he's grumpy
JB: Yeah, there he is.
Ross: I just want to reassure Emma and Gwen, I will be asking all my guests the same question this evening. [laughs]
JB: They're concerned because their mom and dad are in the audience.
Ross: Oh, why didn't you tell me that earlier!
JB: I know, but now you know.
Ross: I would've said 'would you fornicate with a--' I would've posed it more gingerly.
JB: 'Would you shag a monkey.'
Ross: Never mind dragging it down to your level, I have some very intellectual questions for you this evening.
JB: Right, go on then.
Ross: Let's talk a bit more about Torchwood, where it it's going, because I've been watching it every week with my kids, and I know they're”it's kind of more for grownups, but I mean I think the older ones have been fine with it. It’s about episode four or five now that we've had?
JB: We've had episode four, five coming up this Sunday on BBC3.
Ross: Okay, and what’s happening with the rest of the story, have you filmed the whole series already?
JB: The whole series, we just finished on Saturday and we had a huge big blowout party which was one of the best wrap parties that I’ve ever been to, and, uh,
Ross: And you film in Cardiff, don't you?
JB: We film in Cardiff, Wales, but Cardiff is not pretending to be something else. In Doctor Who, Cardiff pretends to be London, but in Torchwood, Cardiff is Cardiff. The series itself, what’s happened in episode four, in the last one, you're finding out that everybody has a secret.
Ross: All the people in Torchwood have some sort of different agenda.
JB: Yes.
Ross: and one of them, he had the Cyberwoman, the robot-lady you saw fighting the pterodactyl there, she was, he had her hidden in a room downstairs.
JB: In the basement, in the lower level of the Hub, which is our base, and uh, she was being kept alive by him because he saved her”this is gonna sound really labourious for those of you who don’t know, but he saved her from Torchwood 1, which was destroyed by the Cybermen and Daleks during the Battle of Canary Warf.
[Laughter]
Ross: Here’s the thing I love, John, when you see John, he's a good looking man, he’s got matinee idol [?? indistinct], but he's”
JB: --a big nerd”
Ross: --you scratch the surface and he's an annoying thirteen-year-old.
[laughter]
Ross: [mimicking] 'it’s the Battle of Canary Warf.' [and some more indistinct]
JB: and we talk about it on set and say this like it really happened, [laughter] 'cause in our world, it really does!
Ross: Well, I kind of believed you when I saw it.
JB: There you go!
Ross: I just think the government might've covered up the Daleks.
JB: Actually, well, some of the government members look like Daleks.
Ross: What's the scariest monster that you have encountered in Cardiff, and don't say Charlotte Church.
[Laughter]
JB: Um, there's, every Friday night walking down the street or when we're in Cardiff, and we're filming, there's a lot of scary monsters that, you know, blond and tube-tops with miniskirts and very bad high-heels, and the best thing is to watch them fight the seagulls, the seagulls try to steal the chips from the girls when they come out of clubs. And that's hysterical. That's about the best monster.
Ross: Hold it, this actually happens, or you've made this up.
JB: No no no, it happens.
Ross: That sounds like one of the greatest spectator sports a man could see!
[laughter]
JB: It's fantastic.
Ross: Slappers in boob-tubes fighting seagulls for chips. [laughing] Why haven't they filmed that? I would watch that. Wouldn’t you watch that? You put a live camera up, we could watch that and bet on which one was gonna get the... that sounds like a great night out!
JB: Why do you think we were so late in finishing the shoot, we were all watching the boob tops.
Ross: So you're obviously enjoying making it. And the series, can you give us any clues as to where it goes in terms of the characters and other creatures we might be encountering?
JB: Um, well”
Ross: For example, next week, who's the”
JB: I can't, I really can’t tell you, because it's, you know, they've, I signed a secrecy clause and we're all told not to say anything. Because why would I want to spoil what's to come? All I'll say that next week we'll, you'll encounter fairies. And not our kind of fairies [gesturing at the singers and himself], but those kinds [flutters hands]. Actually they’re the same, aren’t they.
Ross: Yeah. [laughter]
Ross: Now, you became”you are a gay gentleman yourself.
JB: Yes.
Ross: Are you a gay, or are you a bi?
JB: I’m, well, I'm gay, I’m not bi, I mean”
Ross: you dabble”
JB: I still like women. I think women are extremely sexy, and I think one of the best parts of a woman is her breasts. [off Ross' headshake] Well it's true! [high-five] and what other man out there is gonna disagree?
[laughter]
JB: You know what I mean! So, and I think women are sexy, I think men are sexy, who's to say I'll never have sex with women, I'm one of those guys who takes it a day at a time and sees what happens.
Ross: Did you ever”have you ever... entered the lady's.. uh
JB: Bits and bobs?
Ross: No, no, boudoir! I was going to say, because bearing in mind that Gwen’s mum and dad are...
JB: I have entered a lady's boudoir before, and I have performed certain acts on a lady before, but I rang my”this is the hysterical thing, I rang my mom and dad after”
Ross: Hang on!! What are you doing ringing your mum after? How gay is that?
JB: I’m a total mama's boy.
Ross: [playacting] 'guess what I just did!'
JB: I did, I did! Actually, better story, I was in a fraternity house in college, the stuff you see on television and movies about frat boys are completely true. They lined us all on the floor, I had to lay down, and they put one-dollar”bills in our mouths--I’m gonna stand up here”and they had this woman come in and she was quite hefty, and we’re all lying down and she stood over us and did this [squatting and wiggling], and she took the dollar bills out of our mouth with her chooch.
[big laughter]
JB: It was like the bearded clam walking down on you. And this woman, she snapped it up! I rang my mother, I rang my mother”
Ross: and said 'mum, what are you doing in the fraternity house!'
[laughter] [high fives]
JB: and I said to my, I said 'what do I do,' she said”when I speak to my mom, I speak [Scottish accent] with a Scottish accent”she said, 'son, John, you go in that cupboard and you get Dettol and you scrub your face with Dettol!'
[laughing]
JB: So here’s me on the phone scrubbing my face with a toothbrush, my face was raw.
Ross: I think, by the way, that’s one of the new challenges in I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! That's, wow, what an education!
JB: That was a long time ago, maybe that’s what turned me!
Ross: No, no
JB: No, I was always this way.
Ross: I think you either are or you're not.
JB: No, I believe that, you’re either born that way... it's not something you choose. Why would you wanna choose something that is a minority and looked down upon by certain parts of society.
Ross: [sympathetically] I read comics.
JB: Hey, I have to say, you're an 'otaku.'
Ross: Otaku, that's a kind of Japanese word that means 'nerd.'
JB: That’s correct, and I'm one too. And for your nerd side I have something for you.
Ross: Wow, look at this, ah now, is that you?
JB: That's a little version of me. It's my mini-me, it's the Captain Jack action figure. This has been one of my dreams, as a kid, when I used to buy, like Jonathan I collect action men, well, not action men, I collect dolls that are to do with TV shows and movies, and to have a figure, that's the only reason I wanted to do Doctor Who!
Ross: It's pretty good. I'll be honest with you, it's not the best action figure I've seen.
JB: Well, who's better?
Ross: Well, my action figures, I like to have more points of articulation.
JB: Yeah... So you actually play with it?
Ross: I can tell you how many you've got, you've got one, two, three, four, five... seven points of articulation.
JB: You’re just supposed to have him stand there!
Ross: I wouldn’t even get this out in public.
[Laughter]
JB: Gimme him back, gimme the toy back!
Ross: No.
[Laughter]
Ross: It's not very good.
JB: Awww!
Audience: Awwww!
Ross: ...now you’re just being condescending.
[laughter.]
Ross: if I were you, you know what this means, they’re putting you right out of the series.
JB: Don’t be ridiculous.
Ross: They would've made a better toy if they were gonna keep you!
JB: They’ve given me my own for Christ's sake!
Ross: That's it, those fairies are gonna come and get ya!
JB: Naaaah.
Ross: Can I keep this?
JB: Yeah you can.
Ross: I'll put it with all the other shit I get given on the show. The stuff I get, I’ve got a cupboard full of it, we don’t even go in there anymore. Thank you, I appreciate it. I'm joking of course, I do like the figurine.
JB: No problem.
Ross: So you live mainly here in London.
JB: Yes.
Ross: But presumably when you're filming, you have a place in Cardiff you live there as well?
JB: I do, I have a place in Cardiff, I bought a place on the Bay which, you know, is nice, I wake up, look over the sea. It's beautiful. Thing is great about Cardiff, it's a busy city, believe it or not, during the day, and then at night time it just goes very quiet, so if I take the dogs out for a walk, or if I just wanna kind of go out and chill out by myself, it's very very quiet.
Ross: When you say take the dogs out for a walk, that means actually walking the dogs or means you’re looking for some action?
JB: Okay [laughs]
Ross: Because I know [air quotes] 'dogs out' for 'a walk' often ends up with a 'cock' in his 'mouth.'
[massive laughter]
Ross: Excuse me, Mr and Mrs Stefani.
JB: I should be so lucky, I should be so lucky! No, I do take them out for a walk. Funny, you’re a pet fan also. I just bought”
Ross: yeah I like pets, I don’t take them out for a walk [air quotes] 'at night' for a bit of 'cock action.'
[Laughter]
JB: If you could find it in Cardiff, show me.
Ross: Is there not a lot of night life?
JB: [voice is highly affected by amusement] I don't KNOW! What are you asking me for?
Ross: Because you’re living there!
JB: No, I've got a partner of like sixteen years, I don't know, sorry.
Ross: I thought in gay relationships it was kind of okay to sneak out the backdoor occasionally.
[laughter]
JB: Yeah, but you don't TELL PEOPLE, especially the nation! For Christ's sake. [laughing] [to the room as a whole] and I'm not agreeing to that either, no.
Ross: We’ll remove that from the show. [stage wink]
JB: No that's alright. Well, I bought this great thing for my dog, and this is another, this shows how much of a nerd I am. I have a dog, her name's Penny and she's about seventeen years old. And she's, I call her my baby.
Ross: What breed of dog is she?
JB: She’s an English Cocker Spaniel.
Ross: Lovely little things.
JB: And she has a problem where she can't walk very well. And I don't wanna... she's still having a good life and sitting around and being friendly, and I don't want to put her to sleep, so I bought her a stroller. [laughter] And there’s me, walking around in Cardiff down by the Bay at night, with Penny in a dog stroller and the other one on a leash, and do you think that's gonna attract cock? No.
[laughter]
Ross: I would love to see a photograph of you out with the dog in a stroller.
JB: I will send you a photograph.
Ross: But you know how sweet that is, how sweet that you made the effort and you're still giving her a life, that's a lovely thing.
JB: She’s my baby.
Ross: Now, you mentioned you have a partner, you are with a partner you've been with for how long now?
JB: It’s about fifteen, sixteen years now, I believe.
Ross: Wow, that's a long long time. And you gonna have the civil ceremony, gonna go ahead and do that?
JB: We're looking at dates, ah, towards Christmas, and at the moment we're trying to find a place to basically do it. We are probably gonna do it in Cardiff if we can get the dates that we want.
Ross: And is it mainly because of the legal ramifications of getting bonded in that way or is it something you wanna do just because of the...
JB: Well I think that... we don't need to legitimize our relationship. Because, you know, obviously we've legitimized it already.
Ross: On many occasions I’m sure. [laughter]
JB: Yeah, and our families know it's there also, but for us, this whole thing with men and women being able to have civil partnerships, it forces people who don't wanna accept it, they have to accept it. And that's why we're doing it. Because if you're in the position and you really care about someone, why shouldn't you have the rights like anybody else?
Ross: It's a magnificent step forward I think.
JB: It is, it's a great step forward and it’s a great step forward for this country and Europe, because the place where I also live, the United States, which claims to be a really free country, they don’t do it.
Ross: Is there gonna be a cake?
JB: I don't know yet. See, it hasn’t been thought that far in advance yet.
Ross: You haven't even”
JB: I’ll probably go down to M&S and buy a cake and just put some things in it and that'll be fine.
Ross: That’s really depressing.
JB: Do you wanna bake me a cake?
Ross: No, I'm not offering to bake you a cake! I'm just saying it's a big day in your life and you haven’t thought about cake”
JB: Well, the thing is that, I don't have, we're gonna probably be doing it in the morning, and then I’m gonna have to go off and do two shows, and then I'm gonna have the dinner in the evening. And at the dinner I'll probably have, we're gonna have it at the Saint David's Hotel, which is next door to where I live”
Ross: Well don't tell everyone, they'll all come and have a gawk at you.
JB: That's fine, come on down, come on down!
Ross: Don't say that, people will all come down.
JB: Well hopefully now they'll make a cake for me!
Ross: Now you'll have hundreds of women in boob tubes throwing chips at you!
JB: Yes!!
Ross: Revenge!
JB: Bring it on.
Ross: Okay, now here is a thing about John which I find remarkable and also very very endearing is that he’s an all-around talent. These days a lot of people on TV”obviously present company excepted [laughter]”can't do more than one thing. John can do the singing, he can do the dancing, he can do the acting, he’s obviously a personable fellow, you’ve done any number of musical theatre performances obviously.
JB: I’ve done about... I think it’s fourteen or fifteen West End musicals.
Ross: Which are the shows, that we would know, that you've been in?
JB: Oh, that's...
Ross: And you've had lead roles in these I believe.
JB: I've played the leads in all of them. I've done Miss Saigon, I've done Phantom”
Ross: You were the Phantom of the Opera?
JB: Ah, no I wasn't, I was Raoul.
Ross: Well that’s not the lead role, then.
JB: Well he's the secondary”[laughter]
Ross: He’s a liar, ladies and gentlemen!
JB: Whatever! [makes 'whatever' hand sign]. Someone else got one...
Lady in audience: Anything Goes!
JB: Anything Goes”
Ross: Are there musicals left that you would like to have a crack at, that you haven't done?
JB: Off the top of my head, no, I'd love for, maybe, Andrew or someone to write me a musical myself. I drop the name right there…
Ross: Andrew Lloyd Webber.
JB: Yeah.
Ross: And you’ve met Andrew, presumably.
JB: Well, I did a TV show for the BBC called How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria.
Ross: Has he ever walked up behind you when you weren’t expecting it.
JB: I hope not.
[laughter]
Ross: And you’ve turned round and you’ve just gone ‘OH JESUS what is that!!”
[laughter]
Ross: Does that ever happen?
[laughter]
JB: I wanna work for him again, you know what I mean? No, that has never happened, but…
Ross: Have you ever made a figure out of plasticene, right, and left it in a hot room for any period of time?
JB: And stuck some hair in it.
Ross: And come back in and thought”
JB: That looks like Andrew!
Ross: No. What??
Audience: Oooooh! [laughter]
Ross: He's a very talented man.
JB: Yes, he is talented.
Ross: I met him briefly, he seemed like a very nice man.
JB: Yes.
Ross: Very focused.
JB: Yes, yes.
Ross: Now, before you go, John.
JB: Yes.
Ross: Okay, we’ve established… John can act, John can push a dog in a pram.
[huge laughter]
Ross: John’s got his own not-particularly-well-crafted action figure.
JB: Oohoho!
Ross: He can sing, so on and so forth, but can he choose the right movies to be in?
JB: Oh, shit.
[huge laughter].
Ross: Have all his choices been good ones?
JB: Oh, no, man.
Ross: When deciding to appear in Shark Attack 3: Megalodon [pronounces it me-GA-lo-don],
[Laughter]
Ross: Was it possibly desperation, or a big tax bill that prompted him?
JB: It was cash!
Ross: Okay, have a look, this is John in action for Shark Attack 3... is it ME-ga-lo-don?
JB: ME-ga-lo-don. Sounds like a porn movie…
Ross: Well [laughter]
JB: Megalodon, [deep voice] oh yeah!
Ross: That just means, like, a really big shark?
JB: A Megalodon is a prehistoric”why are you doing this to me?
Ross: Because, I tell you, people are gonna want to buy this film on DVD when they see it.
JB: If they”Please do!!
[laughter]
Ross: I wanna see how this one turns out, I've never seen such a shark! Have a look at this.
JB: Oh no.
[clip]
woman: Davis, you all right?
JB’s character: Oh shit. Hey! Esai, Esai, we’re taking on water!
Esai: I’ll be right there!
Woman: Esai!
JB: Over here!
Other man: Hey! Over here!
[Esai and his boat get eaten by a big-ass shark”and laughter from audience]
[end clip]
[everyone claps]
Ross: Wasn’t that a great scene. I’m gonna ask you about your line, but, you know, I suspect David Atten[borough] was sitting at home saying 'we gotta do something about our Blue Planet footage, it’s not as good as that. Find me a megalodon!'
JB: A megalodon. That was...
Ross: Was all the dialogue as cracking as I saw there?
JB: The dialogue was terrible and there was one particular scene the director asked me to get something out of the female I was acting opposite, and um, I leaned over to her and I ad-libbed this and I said, 'You know, I'm feeling kind of wired. What do you say I take you home and eat your pussy?' Right? [laughter] it was a joke, to make her laugh, they left it in the freaking movie!!
[big laughter]
JB: And I’m sitting there”it's a move I could let my nieces and nephew watch, and there all of a sudden Uncle John’s going 'what do you say I take you home and eat'”TURN IT OFF!! [big laughter] Ooh.
Ross: That must have confused them for any number of reasons.
JB: Yeah exactly!! Exactly! [laughing]
Ross: Uncle John can’t make his mind up. [laughter] Uncle John, it’s been a pleasure.
JB: Thank you very much.
Ross: Mr. John Barrowman!
[They do a handshake hug, indistinct 'thank you's]
Ross: I’m gonna get your number.
JB: Bye!
[John exits back to the green room]
[applause]
Ross: Mr John Barrowman ladies and gentlemen. What a charming, challenging man. [off John kissing the gorilla] Look at that! Look at that. Uncle John's at it again, kids! |
, is Torchwood like a spin-off of Doctor Who or something? -hasn'tevenseenallofDoctorWhoyet-
We is fresh, homie! 
